Thursday, June 5, 2008
Here Goes Nothing!
My coworker got me hooked on the Elle astrology pages, so I've been reading them everyday for the past couple of months. Here's what they had to tell me today:
For June 5: You've got your fingers in several juicy pies right now - and all of them are promising. Don't choose one over the other just yet. Continue exploring the farthest regions of your creative soul and stretch way past your ego and self-consciousness. You're getting bolder about testing yourself and taking personal risks that are finally paying off. Come to think of it, nearly every leap of faith you've taken during the past couple years has produced something unexpected and worthwhile. It's such a thrill when your work and achievements outshine your expectations, and this has already begun to happen. You can anticipate it happening more and more.
Perfect! Just when we've (my therapist and I) started stressing the importance of me taking a huuuuge leap of faith in a certain area of my life. I've already done a couple hops in terms of freelancing (and have been making great strides in that aspect!). Moving out on my own is another huge jump, that I thought would completely freak me out...but it hasn't yet. In yesterday's session I came to the realization that I can reach out to random strangers, ask for help, advice, pitch story ideas, get things done work-wise, but when it comes to something else, namely expressing how I truly feel about someone, laying it all out there, pouring my heart out regardless of what the reaction might be, I get so terrified. My heart starts racing, my ego kicks it up 10 notches, and tells me to abandon ship. That it's not worth the possible humiliation that often comes with opening yourself up.
But my therapist said that when something scares you that much, and causes so much anxiety, go towards it. Because that's where there's the most room for change. And so I've decided to run and just jump off the cliff. Hopefully I won't break my neck.