Monday, June 2, 2008

And I Wondered...

So I finally went to go see Sex and the City last night with the buddies (sober and wearing my old jeans, of course) and I have to say I loved it! Yeah, I know I wasn't sure if I was going to be all into it and could have probably waited a couple more weeks without seeing it and survived. A couple of my coworkers went to the midnight show on Thursday (Friday really) and came back the next day buzzing away at how awesome it was. Thank God one of the bosses sent out a mass email telling them to refrain from discussing the plot around the rest of us.

Not only was the film funny and cute (albeit a bit over the top with the fantasy/too good to be ever true moments), but I actually related to certain parts. I won't say what and spare those of you who have yet to see it, but I did come out with a teeny bit of inspiration and hope for myself.

Here I am, a 26-year-old single girl living in one of the greatest cities in the world (I'm trying to be modest there because you all know that as a true NY'er I believe that this place is the best!). I work for a national woman's mag, I get to write and live out what I've been wanting to do for so long (even if I didn't always know it). And I just got an apartment (the reason for my mini-hiatus) and will be setting off to live my "independent" life next weekend (stay tuned for My First Apartment horror stories). I have so much to look forward to, and at the same time so much I want to still do. I want to travel the world, freelance, get my greeting card business off the ground. I want to find peace, conquer fears, and constantly pursue happiness. I want to let people in and knock down the scaffolding I've built around myself. I want to find love and not be so terrified once I have it.

And the lesson that I got from the movie last night: sometimes things just defy all possible logic. You think and you analyze and dissect why you feel the way you feel or how you should feel or how everyone else says you should feel. But guess what? At the end of the day it just is what it is. You feel or don't feel a certain way despite what society or your own brain tells you. Learn to just go with it. If logic says it should be one way, and still your heart pulls you in the other direction, just follow it. Thinking often adds confusion and mud to the mix.

How great would it be to live open heartedly and let that be our guide? To refuse the rules society throws at us and call it for what it is. Total crap. I think we'd be happier if we just live as we wish - without repressing how we feel - and not worry about what the others might say. Because seriously, are the others any happier than you are now? No, because they're too busy obeying rules and explaining their lives away.

I'd rather just live it.


  1. Ahhhh, to be confident enough to one day do whatever you want and not answer to anyone. Thats something that someone like me will never be able to accomplish.

    I've mapped out how I would like to live my life and what I would like to do and happen. Is that good? Umm no, can I change it? Um no, its ingrained in me. I can't help it. I have to analyze even if it ends up driving me insane. And when I am too crazy to analyze I ask my dad to do it for me.

    Maybe I think too much. Maybe we all need to stop thinking and just do what we really want. And not care about logic and live for the moment and stuff.

    If you ever discover how to accomplish this, please let me know what the key is. Because I have yet to reach that level of enlightenment.

  2. wow, I wrote a book

  3. But why do think you'll never be able to live like that? That should be everyone's goal! To free yourself from all these constraints we put on ourselves. Then maybe we won't look so hunched over, strained, and stressed all the time.

    But I know it's one thing to say you want something and another to actually work towards it- even on those days when it's easier to just fall back on old habits. We've spent 20-something years practicing how we are now, so there's no way we can change all that overnight. It's going to take a constant effort to say, "OK, this is not what I want to be/do and I know there can be better. Right now, I will try my best to get to where I want to be."

    And it's one thing to have things mapped out and have goals for yourself and a completely different thing to be so tied up in these rules that you don't let yourself stray from them every once in a while. You couldn't possibly be able to predict the things life will throw your way, but you have to learn to roll with it. If you're wound up so tight, eventually you're going break!

    *Warning: architecture metaphor coming* Did you know when architects and engineers design structures, they make sure those buildings have a certain amount of give to sway with the wind. Otherwise, they'd snap apart.

    Same with people. I'm sure you all know someone who's so wound up that you're sure they're going to explode at any given moment. God forbid something doesn't go their way. And sooner or later, there will be something that doesn't go their way.

    As far as the key to living like this? Well I've yet to get there, but I hope that once I have my own space to think and create and just be me sans interruptions, it will come a whole lot easier than it has thus far. I'll keep you posted on the progress :)


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