Saturday, August 30, 2008
And while you're at it, feel free to look around the site. There's some interesting stuff on there... ;)
Friday, August 29, 2008
"My father would tell me..."
How many times haven't we heard that from our own parents? How many words of wisdom have been passed along in this way from one generation to the next? And though you might have rolled your eyes when that quote was coming, you couldn't help but retain some for your own use.
And then there were those lessons that were never spoken; those you learned just by watching them. Seeing how they live(d) their lives, how they interact(ed) with the people around them and what their hopes were.
These are things you'll carry with you, like a torch, to light the way of those who'll come after you.
The Things My Parents Taught Me List
- "You can be a millionaire, but if you have no friends you're still poor."
- "You're #1 so take care of yourself first. If you don't, then how can you care for somebody else?"
- "Your body is like a car. You have to fill up the tank, take it in for a tune-up and check the oils."
- Always give back when you have the chance.
- Never stop learning.
- In order to get respect, you must give respect.
- Smile, laugh, eat, play, enjoy life
Thursday, August 28, 2008
She herself felt she had already lived them during her college days while our other friend said she had started living them already and was still in the midst of her good years. As for me, I feel like I'm on the cusp of the best years of my life; that I'm just starting to live them now. I know I've been fortunate and have had great moments over the last few, but I'm waiting for more. I'm still trying to feel comfortable in my own skin and be confident in where I'm heading. I think the phase I'm in now is still filled with tons of confusion and even more questions. As fun as it is to be young, free and allowed to make all these mistakes along the way, I can't wait until my life is little more stable. When I can say, "Ok, I know who I am, I'm happy with what I'm becoming and I'll embrace whatever happens tomorrow."
But then again, who knows if that will be enough for me when it comes. And maybe that's a good thing. Knowing me, I'll keep hoping my best days are just around the corner; knowing today's pretty great, but thinking tomorrow could be much better.
My Gratitudes List
- My family (even though I haven't been talking too much to them lately)
- A job that allows me to do what I love
- My health (though I put it through the ringer sometimes)
- My education
- Close friends
- The chance to live in a great city
- Being able to fend for myself in said great city
- The chance to dream big, have goals and see them come true
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I guess the more experience you obtain, the tighter that list gets; filled only with qualities you truly can't live without.
The Qualities of my "Perfect" Significant Other List
- Kind eyes
- Goofball personality
- Has a huge heart
- Must love dogs
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
"The brick walls are there to stop people who don't want it badly enough. They're there to stop the other people."
Randy Pausch didn't see walls as an obstacle, he saw it as a challenge. A way to prove how much he wanted what was on the other side. Do agree with him? What "walls" have you come across in your life? Were you able to break through them? If so, how?
My [Partial] Places to See Before I Die List
- The Moon
Monday, August 25, 2008
My Before I'm 30 List
- Write a children's book
- Run a greeting card business
- Be a regular feature writer for several magazines
- Own property (or be heading in that direction)
- Reach a general state of tranquility
- Be comfortable in my own skin
- Finally believe and practice the Serenity Prayer
Sunday, August 24, 2008
(six-year-old boy tries to cross street against traffic)
Young child: Can I have some candy?
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Over the past week I've been doing some blog browsing and have come across a bunch of creative people who are sharing their talent. So I thought, "Hey! I got talent! And sharing is caring!" So that led me to create this Flashback section. Every so often I'll share my creative works of art from back in the day (namely high school because face it, I wasn't exactly the coolest kid then, which shall be evident soon enough). The first several installments will be from my so-called fashion line for little people. Let the critiquing begin!
First off, can someone please tell me why I thought outfit #1 was acceptable? Chick has pink hair, some sort of yarmulke veil contraption on her head and arm bands. And why is she stepping on her own foot? She looks like she's about to topple over and I only hope she can break the fall with her four-fingered hands (though the one on the right has a a little extra stump for good measure).
Girl #2 is looking a lot classier than her friend there. I think I'd buy that dress. In fact, I now own an American Apparel jersey dress in a similar shade (right) and it looks awesome. But dear Lord, that hair! It's attacking her face!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Here's a sampling (with his captions):
I wonder if our pictures are still in his wallet. The ones I gave to him on our first anniversary and which were still there as of last Sunday.
"But why?" I asked him.
"Because I like them there," he said.
"Well I want you to take them out."
"Ok, if that's what you want."
Only it's not. I want our pictures there. Right after the break-up, the fact that he still carried them around gave me hope and reassured me that he still cared; that what we had mattered to him. But now that I'm trying to distance myself from him I'm scared he'll completely forget.
To this day I still carry around our pictures in my purse. I might not look at them, but for some reason knowing they're with me makes me feel better. Maybe one day I'll be able to put them away.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Running from the Cannibal
So I meet this good-looking and seemingly nice guy who wastes no time putting the moves on me. After the friend I was with leaves the room, he and I get to know each other a little better.
[End scene because I don't remember much about this part thank God]
Next thing I know I'm in someone's house as part of a tour group. In one of the rooms I discover that the whole place is rigged with explosives and ready to go off at any second. I remember being torn between warning the others or running for my life, but I don't remember what I chose. All I know is that I ran and ran and hid and ran. I stuck with a group of people who seemed to know what to do.
Too bad I was wrong. Before long, the Crazy Lady who devised the whole plan caught us. Somehow I managed to escape twice, getting caught each time. That's when Crazy Lady said she was going to eat me alive. I begged and pleaded that she shoot me first, but she wouldn't even consider the idea. So of course, I had to escape again. This time she sent one of her henchmen after me to seduce me and bring me back. And who was it? None other than the guy I had met before!
I tried throwing myself into oncoming traffic to avoid being raped and then eaten (the hell did I do in a previous life??) but that didn't work. Luckily, Playa Playa ran into another girl he had a serious crush on and started chatting her up while I made my final escape (you can't trust those fools to do anything right). I ran and ran some more until I reach a train station, missed the first one that passed by and ran into the second one just in the nick of time. And then I woke up.
What on Earth was all that about?? I actually do believe dreams have some significance and have a couple dream dictionaries at home to help me figure out what they mean. Sometimes it's a manifestation of what you're dealing with during your waking hours. Other times it helps bring unconscious feelings into the light; things you didn't even realize were affecting you so much. So I just went online and here's what dreammoods.com had to say:
To dream that you are running away from someone, indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In particular, if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing and confronting your fears.
To dream that you are trying to run but cannot make your feet move as fast as you want them to, signifies lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. It may also reflect your actual state of REM paralysis while in the dream state.
To see cannibalism in your dream, symbolizes a destructive and forbidden desire or obsession. In a literal sense, cannibals consume people's lives, along with their energy. This dream may then denote an aspect of your life (career, relationship, children...) which is consistently draining your enthusiasm and vitality.
To dream that you have been raped, suggests a sadistic expression of sexual desire. You may be expressing an unconscious desire to be violated, conquered, or forced into forbidden territory. Some women have a desire to be sexually overpowered, but not hurt. It also indicates vengeful feelings toward the opposite sex. Alternatively, it suggests that you are feeling violated in some way. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being. You feel that someone or something is being forced upon you.
To dream that you are on a train, is symbolic of your life's journey and suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed for the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end.
To dream that you miss a train, denotes missed opportunities or nearly escaping your death.So obviously I still have some fears to confront, but my lack of self confidence keeps me from moving forward. Several aspects of my personal life have been draining me so I've been an emotional wreck, but maybe I'll find the light at the end of the tunnel if I keep chugging along.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Days 9-12: I was still flipping back and forth over whether I should drive out to see Mr. First for his annual BBQ. On one hand I wanted to see his family and friends (and him) because I wasn't sure when I'd get the chance to see them again. And people actually wanted to see me there (it's always nice when people want you around). But then there was the awkwardness to worry about (among other things). What if I broke down in the middle of the party and had to hide out in the bathroom for the rest of the day? Those thoughts wreaked havoc on my stomach and so I barely ate for days so as not to upset it even more. Needless to say, I was a wreck.
Days 13-15: But still I decided I'd go. And for the rest of the week I was actually a lot calmer. I was going to make the best of it and just have fun. I was there to catch up with old friends and find out how everyone else was doing (and not focus on how I was feeling the whole time). After Wednesday night's session with T, I was determined that I'd pull through this and reach the other end unscathed. "I can't let this break me down," I said to myself. "I'll be just fine." And for a while I believed it.
Day 16: The day arrived and I was actually so excited about the trip - jittery even! I danced around the apartment singing along to the radio as I got dressed and did my hair. The closer I got to his house the more nervous I became. And when I walked through the front door, wine and break-and-bake cookies in hand, he was the first person I saw. After the initial awkward hello and hug, I went to say hi to the family and then his friends in the backyard. I chatted some of them up throughout the afternoon and it was so nice catching up with the ones I was closest to, but for the last half I stayed inside. Mostly because I felt out of place. There were no tears, but I still felt loser-ish. And when I finally did feel like I was going to break down I went out for a walk. I hadn't seen stars in six months and the moon was full, but of course it all reminded me of our late night strolls when I'd hold on to his arm for dear life every time a toad jumped in our path. This time there was no one to grab when something jumped out from the shadows.
At the end of the night I had the option of driving back home, sleeping at his sister's house or sleeping on the couch in his basement. If you know me, you know what I chose.
Day 17: And I spent the whole night crying. I cried as I put on my pj's. I cried as I sat on the bathroom floor. I cried as I curled up into a ball on the couch. And I cried as I shut my eyes and prayed so hard that this never-ending sadness would someday disappear. The one person I used to turn to to make things better was now sleeping one floor above me and I couldn't dare reach out to him. I looked around the lamp-lit basement and wondered "Why am I here? Why did I come?" And even though I kept sobbing through the night I knew that this was just where I was meant to be. As torturous as I imagined it would be, I would've gone anyway. It's like I needed to put myself in that position once again and feel how much it breaks me apart.
Even though I told him I was finally throwing in the towel as we sat on his deck that following morning, I still wasn't ready to let it all go. I still wanted to reach out and hold his hand. I wanted him to hug me, to run his fingers through my hair. I still missed what we had and wanted us to go back to the days when we'd watch TV wrapped under the same blanket with my head on his shoulder. But now it was as if there was this glass wall between us and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't shatter it.
We left things as we usually did - completely up in the air with no resolution in sight. Interesting how on the drive home every song I had cheerfully sang along to the day before now kept making me cry.
Determined to make a decision on what to do (keep talking as friends or break away) or at least find the courage to do what I felt I should (get some distance), I talked with him on the phone that night. The conclusion? No decision was reached. I still couldn't pull away.
Day 18: And then I received my wake-up call. That morning I got up, dressed and ready for another day. I was still gloomy/exhausted from the weekend, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. I made my way over to the bus stop (instead of walking to the train station like I usually do) and proceeded to wait. Two minutes go by and my head starts hurting so I hike up my sleeves, sip some water and head towards the shade. Only that doesn't help. I start getting dizzier and so I sit on the bench and drink some more water. When I noticed that my arms were covered in sweat, I started panicking.
In a split second decision, I stood up and headed back home. As I made my way up my block I felt even worse. My eyesight became grainy (like the fuzzy channels on TV), everything sounded muffled and I was struggling to breathe. Everything seemed to be passing me by in slow motion and I was ready to drop at any second.
Somehow I made it back to my building, sat on the steps and called Dad for help (in the midst of all that I had almost lost my voice as well). I could barely move and couldn't even think about climbing four flights of stairs. Alone, confused and scared, my eyes started to water over.
Once I made it to the apartment, I had no energy. Changing into lighter clothes took so much out of me that afterwards I could only lay on my bed panting and hoping I wouldn't black out before someone came for me.
Luckily, I made it through. Dad brought some toast and juice and then left to get my mother. And during that time I made my decision. It was time I became selfish, too. Time to think more about myself and focused on becoming healthy again. If I didn't, things could get worse. I texted him my decision and it was agreed, but I didn't tell him what had pushed me over the edge.
Although I was feeling a bit better after a couple hours, I still went to the hospital to see what was going on. I ended up waiting 3.5 hours to get checked in and then laid in bed with an IV in my arm for another five. The diagnosis: my blood pressure dropped due to hunger, dehydration and exhaustion and so no blood was flowing to my brain.
I was alone most of the day and tears kept streaming down my cheeks. I was finally where I had been warned I'd end up if I didn't take care of myself. I felt so low. All I wanted to do was go home.
Day 19: And so now I'm left with the task of letting go, moving on and getting better. And if that's not the biggest out of the box move for me, then I don't know what is. It's strange; it took a serious moment of weakness for me to gain the strength to do what I'd been scared to do for so long.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Stay in a basement? Knowing what lives in mine, there's no way I'd stay in there.
Get under a stable workbench or piece of furniture? All my stuff's from IKEA so there goes that.
Stay away from windows? Way too curious for that.
Is it bad that I think it'd be kind of awesome if a tornado hit the city? Obviously I don't want anyone to get hurt, but that's something that doesn't happen here. Plus, there's that secret dream of mine to be a storm chaser someday...
*Ellen and Portia are finally tying the knot this weekend!
*Argh! My student loan bill shot up unexpectedly so I think it's time Sallie and I had a little chat.
*But! This month's Con Ed bill is 20 bucks cheaper than last month's. I guess it pays to have three heat strokes per night. Hooray!
*Newsflash!! Crocs still suck. Who knew?? (Me, that's who.)
*Who's checking out the Olympics? I haven't seen a single game, but I keep reading about the scandals (underage players, racist Spanish teams...you know, the usual.)
*The Onion still makes me laugh:
'Cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please Your Man
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I learned that no man should make you feel dumb. Even if he is in law school and you're barely making it through media law (though in my defense that class was hellishly boring).
I learned that it's ok to let my guard down even if there's the risk of getting hurt in the end. What truly hurts afterwards is the regret of not having given it your all when you had the chance.
And I learned that worrying whether a perfectly good relationship will last or not will turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just because my parents had a botched up one doesn't mean I will.
I'm still in the process of learning from the last one since it's the first meaningful one I've had and in turn the hardest one to let go. I'll see if I discover anything else about myself when I go visit him and see his family and friends this weekend. Is it a good or a bad thing? I have no idea. But I'm going nonetheless because I'm that hard-headed. What happens next is simply up in the air and when it comes all I can do is learn from that too.
So what have you guys learned from your past significant others?
I've also been dealing with some personal stuff that had me all wound up (FYI, life is hard). But I'm dealing and trying to look on the bright side (cue The Brady Bunch's "It's a Sunshine Day"). For example, NYC is having a lovely day outside (watch the T-storms come out of nowhere again today). The sun is shining, the sky is blue and today's high will be a nice 80 degrees (which only means the sub-zero temperature at work will make me wish I were outside instead). Work-wise, I've turned in all major articles and I'm on track with future deadlines (so obviously its only a matter of time until someone throws a monkey wrench in that one).
So see? It's all about positivity.
How about you guys? What have you all been up to these days?
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
So remember that lovely little attraction I came across in Coney Island last month? Well read this funny little NY Times article to learn more about the story behind the "freaks."
My favorite lines:
“You run around and act freaky so people will want to shoot you more."
“Some days he moves around and acts like a freak, which is good. Unless you get shooters who want him to stand still. A freak can stand still, too. Either way, people love shooting the freak, and they always will.”
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Because time is flying by at the speed of light, it's time for NYC's Dominican Day Parade yet again. For those interested, the parade will be taking place this Sunday, August 10th along Sixth Avenue between 36th and 57th Streets. God speed.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Turns out the child had talked to a friend of a friend who offered himself up to her friends. She included the 411 on this 27-year-old from la capital (Santo Domingo) who left his number and asked her to give it to one of her "nice, educated" friends. After I laughed for a bit, I thought, "Man, that might be a good one for Day 6." Obviously this blog is going to get me in trouble someday.
After a little back and forth, some "that's TOTALLY out of the box" and "that might be TOO out of the box for me," I decided to let her fwd my number. I figure eh, maybe he won't call if it's him who has to reach out.
Dude called in two hours.
And here's the thing: not only is giving out my number to a total stranger totally out the box for me (I've only done it once, to someone I met at a club, two years ago), but this guy is pretty much my anti-type! I do double takes for the skinny white geeks who wear glasses rather than Latin men. That's not to say I haven't noticed them in the past, but the others catch my attention more. Which only means my friends and I will NEVER fight over men since our tastes are so different and that is just fine by me.
Well, I was busy when Don Juan called so he offered to call back after 9 PM, which he did. Only we just talked for four minutes, got practically no sense over what kind of person he is (I don't even know if he works and apparently at our age I have to start asking if the guy has kids! Lord...). Eh, all in all I had a rough session with T tonight so I wasn't up for much talking, but I tried (Spanish is so limiting!). He did say he'd call me back tonight y mira la hora que es y nada.
Dominican strike one...
Crazy Man Update: So apparently Don Juan did not say that he'd call me later BUT that he'd pass by my place later! Imagine my surprise - and horror - when the guy calls twice to let me know that he's downstairs and that he wants me to go see him.
Dominican strike two...
So remember when I was boo-hooing over the fact that I forgot about Broadway in Bryant Park two weeks ago and in turned missed my chance to howl along to "The Circle of Life?" Well let me tell you! It was canceled that day (maybe it rained, who knows) and has been rescheduled for Friday the 15th! Hooray!
Then there was the crazy downpour in the middle of the night and with it came the raindrops banging on the AC, me getting up to check if water was coming in through the living room windows and the sink drain gurgling (now that was freaky; I thought my toilet was overflowing!). By the time 5 AM came around my back was in so much pain I had to change positions every couple of mins, rolling all over my queen-sized bed. I guess my body's not used to being immobile for so long. I even cursed the idea of going to bed so early because I hurt so much.
Luckily, when my alarm went off at 8 AM I was feeling a lot better and didn't even think about dozing off for 10 more mins; I was ready to get up and go. I didn't drag my sleepy behind around the apartment and even though I'll probably crash later, for now I'm feeling pretty well rested.
Maybe this calls for an encore tonight?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
And I'll blog. Blog bloggitty blog. About what? Turns out it doesn't matter! Something always pops up if I stare at the screen long enough.
So tonight I'm saying, "Screw you, blog. You don't own me!" Instead, I'm going to sleep at 8:30 PM and I'll think about coming back to you tomorrow.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Then (I think as punishment) the powers that be made me forget the peanut butter I was supposed to have with my English muffins back at home. Wonderful.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I wore a skirt again today. Does that make up for it?
So what is it about powerful men that gets us so riled up? And not only powerful men, but men who break the rules, know what they want and go after it. Despite our "independence" maybe some of us like being told what to do sometimes - or not have to tell a man what to do, how to do it, where to do it...
Anyway, so she and I started wondering: Where the hell are all the men? The good, quality, working single men without multiple baby mamas? At the sport bars? Pool halls? Writing about the lack of good, quality working single women on their blogs? If only there was some map that pointed them out to us, then it'd be way easier. So instead we're just going to get out there and make ourselves available. Apparently the chances of meeting The One when he delivers your take-out are slim to none. So happy hours here we come!Btw, as much as I like a man on a motorcycle, the idea of me actually driving one excites me even more. Oh someday...
P.S. The movie was really good (although I could barely keep up with all the action) and Heath Ledger's performance was amazing. He pretty much made that movie.
Student: How was your break?
Teen girl: I was so mad at him that I unfriended him on Facebook.
Curly-haired boy: This is not the Empire State Building!
Little boy in ladies' room stall : You know mom, in Europe all the bathrooms are unisex.
But Odds Are You Still Aren't Paying Attention
Flight attendant, concluding pre-flight safety spiel: For those of you who paid attention: Thank you. And for those of you who did not: Good luck.
Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Childrenâ��s Healthcare
Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
What are your fave quotes? I have tons, but some of mine are:
"Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action." ~Benjamin Disraeli
"Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow." ~Alice Mackenzie Swaim