Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Short Guys Have It Rough

On my train ride home yesterday, the guy standing next to me made me wonder: how hard is it for short guys to get some love?

Yes, I'm short myself and at 4'9" you'd think I'd pay more attention to the little guys who are closer to my level. Someone whose eyes I can look into without the need of a step stool. Someone whose back wouldn't hurt from bending over to kiss me each time.

Though I've had some small crushes, I prefer the guys who are at least normal height. I've got to think about the future here! I want my kids to have a fighting chance at turning out average. It'd simply be wrong of me to subject them to the short jokes I've had to "grow up" with. (And yes, gentlemen, when a girl first sees you, she already wonders how your kids will turn out before you even ask, "Why are you so late?" It's in our programming.)

And still, short girls have it easier than the guys. We're considered cute, adorable, huggable, perfect for cuddling, easy to lift, what have you. And although all these qualities have turned into major negatives at some point or another, a woman's small stature is rarely seen as a negative.

With male shorties it's a different story. They're expected to be big, tall and strong. They're expected to reach that top shelf in the closet. They're expected to provide protection and somehow being 5' tall doesn't exactly scream, "I will save you!!"

The two guys I've dated have both been 5'10" - more than a foot taller than me. But although I prefer my men to be taller (which isn't such a big request considering my height), there's also a cap. Because the last thing this short girl wants is to look like a traveling freak show when walking down the street with her man.

What about you? Any height preferences?

Image: blogs.ajc.com

21 comments :

  1. I generally like my guys to be taller than me... around 5'10" to 6'is perfect. My son is 6'2" and I feel like a shrimp next to him.

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  2. Before I used to like them tall, like at least a head or half a head taller than me. But I married my husband and he's only slightly taller. So I compromise by not wearing heels - which worked out because I hate heels.

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  3. caren, I don't know if I'd be able to swing 6' tall, that's pretty high up there! (Even though it's only 2 extra inches, it just sounds super tall.) Oh the best is when you stand around someone who is only slightly taller than you and they come stand right next to you to say, "Oh my God, I feel so tall next to you!" Yes, you're welcome. Glad I could make you feel better at my expense.

    sugarlens, yes, I hate them too! Which doesn't help in the height department, but I simply refuse. I know some women who don't care if their men are shorter, they will still wear them regardless.

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  4. Stopping in from SITS!! I used to only date taller men (I'm right at 5'8")...when my now sister-in-law was trying to introduce me to my husband I simply stated "I don't date guys who are shorter than I am"....well...I ended up marrying one. I'm 5'7 3/4" and he's like 5'4". Once we started talking I knew he was the man for me....but it took meeting him.

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  5. Its taken me a bit to get past some old personal mental baggage (read: garbage) to post a comment here.

    Being 0-3 in the "tall, dark, and handsome" category and being a shorter then "normal" guy, I've been rejected solely on the basis of height - it really stings but that's how the human race selects mates - on physical attributes that are technically (by definition) irrational.

    I've worked with really short guys, the under 5-3 set and found most of them had an unpleasant Napoleon Complex and overdid the "compensation" thing.

    But to answer your question - I've found when I hug someone about 3 inches shorter than I, we "fit" together nicely - its a nice plus - but not a requirement. :)

    And now to not let that "I'm not normal" bother me - since you meant normal as average.

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  6. I like 'em taller. A good 5'11"+ (over 6' is nicer), but then again...I'm 5'5" and large so I kinda like to have a guy around that makes me look smaller than I really am. I ended up with a 5'11" this time, but he's all legs. Stands taller than me but damn I hate sitting next to him because I look HUGE!

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  7. I wish my hubby were 6'3". LOL That way...when I wear my heels, I would still be a few inches shorter than him. But NO...my silly butt goes and marries a man who is 5'9" on a good day. I'm 5'7.5"...and that half inch is important-don't laugh! (none of my friends realize Hubby is that short because they say he's got a "tall personality"....which he does. He's loud and in your face and sometimes funny.)

    My brother is "short" at 5'6" or 5'7"....and I've always worried if he'd get a girlfriend who could see him for HIM, and now he's got one. :) She's his height or an inch taller I think, but they're adorable together.

    (my husband said he was thinking about the "future" as well when he got with me and not a shorter girl! LOL)

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  8. I like guys tall--6 feet or taller is great. :)

    I can't believe you can speed walk like that!!! Thanks for visiting me this morning. :)

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  9. jst asked my guy. he's 5'10 =)

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  10. My hubby is about 6" taller than me so it works out great since I can still wear tall shoes.

    I laughed at your freak show comment. A friend of mine is under 5' and was talking to a guy that was almost 7' tall. He was one of the tallest guys I have ever known! He was a very nice person, but she dumped him based solely on the looks people gave them when they were together. She couldn't get past it!

    PS Here is a link to my blog about the Bryant Park story I was telling you:

    http://joydevivredesign.blogspot.com/2008/06/isnt-it-ironic.html

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  11. kris, what a cute story! Yeah, we're probably closing ourselves off to meeting someone great just because of these guidelines we set.

    intense guy, I hope you haven't forgotten what I told you earlier. And like I mentioned in response to kris' comment: we just set rules and a list of things we'd like in the other person and sometimes they turn into these huge blinders because we don't want to try what falls outside of The List.

    ladystyx, when you mentioned your hubs is all legs, I got a funny little image in my head :)

    tooj, haha! I like how people think he has a tall personality. I know quite a few people like that myself. And 5'6" isn't bad at all!

    amanda, yeah, I've pretty much been practicing my whole life.

    dama, I guess that's the magic number.

    joy, yeah, I just don't like wearing heels at all so that'll rarely be an issue. And that poor guy! I guess it's just as rough to be way over the mid-range as it is to be way under. And thanks for the link!

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  12. Hello! I stumbled upon your blog while doing a Google search on "short guys." I'm a short fella myself (5ft, 2in) and was curious about what women really thought about guys like me.

    I am writing these comments mainly for short guys that might be reading this blog.

    I used to think we had it pretty rough when it came to the dating scene. However, after I worked through my own height issues, I realized we don't have it as rough as people may think.

    Our shortness forces us to focus on and improve our other traits, most notably: personality, ambition/drive/passion, confidence, career, kindness and compassion, honesty, responsibility, morality, communication, and work ethic. And as devastating as it is to be rejected because we are too short, such rejection is for the best. After all, I certainly would not want to be with a woman who didn't love me for who I am!

    Whenever I find myself thinking ill of my height, I just remind myself that I am looking for a woman who loves me for me. With that said, here's a message to all the short guys like me: height is only an issue if you make it one.

    Unfortunately, so many short guys DO make height an issue, and women pick up on that pretty easily. Thus, we feel like we are getting rejected because of our shortness when in reality we are getting rejected because of the way we are handling our shortness. WE are the ones with the problem, and it really turns women off when we let it affect who we really are.

    We all have our preferences when we date. It is important, at least to me, to find a woman who is willing to look past her preferences, even if she can't successfuly work around her preference for taller men. It shows she has a really good heart and that she is trying to get to know the real me (not just the "short" me).

    My ex-girlfriend was taller than me (around 4-6 inches taller than me; to be honest, I never measured the height difference, although it was very evident in pictures of our standing next to each other. And this was without heels!) Although the height difference bothered her, she did her best to look past it to see all of me. I felt pretty sad sometimes because I could see how much she would have preferred me to be taller. It meant a lot to me that she was trying so hard to really get to know me despite my height.

    I am pretty sure that the short guys WITHOUT height issues do pretty well on the dating scene. I think that they may experience slightly more rejection than taller men, but the difference is quite small (not statistically significant). Contrast this with how poorly guys with height issues do. Although I have no raw data, my mathematical intuition tells me that they experience statistically significantly more rejection than their short peers that have no issues.

    I feel like I am running off course here now (once I start talking about math, I have a hard time stopping!), so I'll end this set of comments with my bottom line message: you are looking for a woman who loves you for who you are. Because of this, you must not let your shortness get in the way of your other great qualities. If you have a problem with your height, women will detect it and you will be setting yourself up for some major rejection. Focus on improving who you truly are, and I guarantee that you'll be well on your way to finding the woman for you.

    Good luck to all the short fellas out there!

    OH! Shoutout to all the women who are giving us short guys a chance: you give us hope, and you remind us that there are women out there willing to love us for who we are. Women like you are very special and beautiful. I'd totally take y'all out to dinner, even if you weren't interested in me. :)

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    1. I am 5'4 and i agree with you. I see some tall men on the news who are dumped by girls and then kill them and himself and i think to myself what is wrong with the tall, dark, and handsome big athlete who can get any woman he wants but has low self esteem. I rarely get attention from women but one thing Ive learned is that I won't settle for someone who doesn't love me unconditionally and I believe most short men are forced to feel this way. We face so much rejection from women telling us that we are so short and i don't like short men that we unlike some taller guys who go throughout their entire life being accepted by a woman for the wrong reasons and then suddenly the woman they thought loved them cheats on them then that guy may turn suicidal if he has never experienced rejection before. I would rather be with a woman who truly loves me than be with one who only likes me because i have money or is tall.

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  13. I don't know Pinecones, I have never given my height a second thought (5'7), nor do I care if a girl is taller or shorter, but I still get rejected for being too short.

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  14. It certainly is harder to "find love" or even a date when you're shorter than what many females perceive as average or acceptable. With so many taller men around, women have a lot more desirable options to choose from. You can't blame people for being attracted to tall men or thin women--it's how we're programmed, but at the same time it's difficult to blame a shorter guy for having a height complex.

    Many men, both tall and short, don't know how to attract great women and though it might only take confidence and a sense of independence and adventure, many guys fumble with words, body language, dress, and fear. As men are usually expected to make the first move, the dating game is made more difficult, discouraging, and confusing for guys with typically undesirable traits such as short height, receding hairlines, unemployment, lack of formal education, etc.

    As for me, I'm 5'5" or 5'6" (I'm not sure) and now 28 years old (just had my birthday!) and I've never been in a relationship. I know it's not solely due to my height, but I'm sure it's been no small factor. I'm also only 130-135 lbs and I have a thing for cross-dressing, but that's for another day (I'm still straight). Lastly, I'm currently unemployed and when you put all this together, my dating pool is very very small.

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    1. i agree with this as well. the women who mock or tease a man for having a napoleon complex already thinks negatively of that man. a woman who appreciates a man for who he is will never tease him about his height. shorter men usually don't get pursued by women as much as taller men do and attraction plays a part in this too which in turn lowers that mans confidence level. its impossible to feel confident if a woman isn't giving you a reason to feel that way. more taller men are cocky and full of life because more women make them feel like kings by filling them with energy. thats why when a taller guy tells a corny joke thats not funny the woman laughs and the shorter guy doesn't. women will laugh at anything a man says if she like him.

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  15. Short guys are meant to be weeded out of the human race. Face it guys, we are going extinct and no one will really miss us. Indeed, the one thing you have absolutely no control over, is going to define the rest of your life. I don't even want to find a mate, cause I wouldn't want any kid going through what I am. Girls be advised; go for the tall guy.

    Hey, I'm not depressed I'm just saying how it really is. On the upside, if paid right, hookers might not mind(let's hope).

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  16. As a 5ft 10in 13 year old girl me and my friends are tall and short guys don't stand a chance in our world. I will not take any man under 6 feet. I make fun of them till they go away. I don't need a man I can lift over my head or looks like a little boy next to me, tall men rule short men drool! Me and my friends of these little pipqueaks trying to get my attention, when they can't even reach my boobs. None of us care, size matters!

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    1. B*#ch alert, wow you sound like quite the piece of work. So if a guy was a psychopath but as long as he is 6ft or over you'll take him over the perfectly normal 5 ft 9in. Interesting and any avg height male could reach your boobs, common sense, unless a midget.

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  17. Thanks...

    brb... hanging myself.

    Also, women of the world, hang your heads in shame...

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  18. As a 5 ft 4 girl, I'm kinda surprised at other women's tastes. Personally, I like to look my man in the eye, especially when dancing. I feel uncomfortable tilting my head too far down or up so I find the
    ideal height for a man for me is 5ft3 to 5ft5.
    ..Plus short guys tend to have the cutest faces <3

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