NEW YORK - In what is sure to be a metaphorical middle finger to the city, the fall season has completely turned its back on New Yorkers and bumped fists with Old Man Winter. On Thursday, thousands of men, women and defenseless schoolchildren were forced to break out their dusty winter coats and brave the near-sub zero temperatures, their dreams of sweater weather dashed and stomped like the fallen leaves of the season.
"Yo, what the hell happened?!" asked Dorkys Ramos, a winter baby with a severe hatred for the cold. "One minute I'm wearing a short dress and the next I want a perma-Snuggie. We totally skipped a season here!"
As if the city didn't have it bad enough already, showers and scattered thunderstorms are expected to rip through the area over the weekend. Threats towards Mother Nature's son will surely follow.
When asked if she had any parting words for her former favorite season, Ramos said, "This is not cool, Autumn. Not cool."
To coordinate an anti-Autumn campaign in your neighborhood, visit wtf-fall.com.