I've been struggling with my end-of-2009 recap because I keep thinking, "What the hell even happened this year and hello, how are we in 2010 already?!" I'm just going to go ahead and chalk it up to global warming. (What? Doesn't stuff accelerate in the heat?)
Anywho, 2009. Let's see:
I quit therapy and dared to figure things out on my own. I finally acknowledged my unhealthy eating habits, gained five pounds in a month and then lost it all the next. I grabbed the tiniest bikinis, left my body hangups in the dust and went on vacation with my best friend. In between coffee shop meetings and classes, I fell in love with Italian (and then my fickle heart began to lose interest). Press trips and featurettes accompanied my growing responsibilities at work. I loved my job and spent 12 months stressing over losing it...until the ax came one Friday the 13th and I was able to breathe again.
In the love department, the first half of 2009 still found me incredibly bitter and nostalgic for what I no longer had. What I did have was a head full of frustration, questions and no easy answers. As reluctant as I had been to the idea, things improved once I put some space between him and me. That was the first thing that was easier than I thought it'd be. The second: giving someone else a chance. My refusal to date faded away once I found myself right smack in the middle of it and actually enjoying myself. How could I possibly say no to letting go when it felt that good?
Looking back on the past year, it was nowhere near as trying and torturous as the one before. I still learned, yes, but the lessons came so much more gently. Perhaps knowing that I'd survived such a hellish time only meant that I could get through another if need be. Let's hope I don't.
As the new year begins, I'm hopeful, but in desperate need of a jump start. My ambitions want to take me in so many different directions, I don't even know where to begin. A bit paralyzing, but I love it. The moment I no longer churn out random ideas nor wish to conquer the world and create my mark is the moment I cease to be me. So here's to chasing dreams and actually catching those buggers.
Oh, and here's to time slowing way the hell down. Especially this week. I've got a Wednesday deadline to meet.