Last week, A. and I decided to finally go for something we'd been dreaming about for months, but kept pushing aside: a trip through Western Europe at the end of August. I'd been feeling so beat what with working six days a week with no extended break. So when he mentioned those travel plans again, I didn't hesitate to say, "Let's do it." Even though I was still waiting on confirmation about taking so much time off work, we let ourselves get wrapped up in the awesomeness that this trip would be.
Every little ideal I'd been carrying since I last went to France nine years ago was mixed into these plans of ours. The spots we'd visit, buying produce at the market and having picnics in Parisian parks. Maps were created and train time tables were consulted until we had figured out this grand tour through 10 different cities across five countries. We even bought our first digital SLR camera to capture what would be my dream getaway.
And then Monday morning I got the news: at the end of the month I will be let go.
Even though I'd been through this situation two years ago, it wasn't easier this time around. I'd been expecting that last ax to fall for a whole year before it finally did. As strange as it sounds, I greeted that news with a sigh of relief. I was finally free to pursue other roads. This one, on the other hand, came as a bit of a shock, which really only means that instead of spending half a day being upset and pitying myself over it, I spent two because after a while that act gets old and I had some thinking to get on with.
Do I want another office position? Or would I rather go back to my previous freelance life, commit myself to dedicating my time and energy solely on projects I'm passionate about and work harder at it then I did before? And now that my schedule will open up, should I revisit those dreams of opening up the stationery business I've pushed aside after my jobs demanded more attention?
All important questions yes, but my head was more wrapped up around another pressing issue: should I still take this trip to Europe? Should I be responsible and save my money instead and then feel even worst for losing a job and an amazing travel experience? What if I don't get another opportunity run off for so long and see the world like this?
So last night I decided that we're still going. I'm not letting one thing affect the other much less something I've been looking forward to so much. Besides, who knows what good things could come from this (and believe me, I'll be hustling to make the most of this new opportunity). The rest can and will settle itself when I return.
Images: Tokyo photographer Natsumi Hayashi's "Daily Levitation" series on yowayowacamera.com