Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Comfort In Uncertainty

The last few months have been stressful for A. and me and it's not the relationship, but rather outside factors that have been taking a toll on our moods. See, he's been having the hardest time landing a new job and after a string of interviews that have ultimately led nowhere, he's somewhat shifted into survival mode.

I try to be comforting, encouraging, and attempt to cheer him up and drag him out the house when he's feeling low, but sometimes I don't know what else to do. Should I back off and leave A. to do his thing when my instinct is to run and shower him with feelings whenever he's down? He's quite the practical one, you know. I think in the end all I can do is be by his side as he figures things out and hope that something good comes soon.

Then there's me. I'm also trying to recover from a financial hit. Since being bumped down to part-time status upon my return from Thailand, I'm also trying to stay afloat and optimistic. And with goals and plans that I want to make happen this year, it means a lot that we both be in good financial standing.

But see sometimes I get so wrapped up in what I want that I forget that he's also in a spot that's uncertain and scary. When I want to go out with him to enjoy the day and he'd rather stay inside, I get so frustrated! This city is filled with cheap and fun things we could do, but it's hard to focus on that when his mind is elsewhere - as it should be, I guess. So for now I'm here, offering my help and (sometimes unsuccessfully) trying to keep my selfish needs in check.

How do you comfort your partner when he/she is going through a really rough time? Do you ever get annoyed, too?

Image: Anton Tang

6 comments :

  1. Oye I know what you mean. My boyfriend and I have similar financial trials. It's difficult. I feel really fortunate because no matter what we can get a good laugh together and that soothes everything.

    I think that there is a balance between supporting and helping in all of the ways that you can and then being supported yourself. It would be helpful to talk about that, because you are going through a rough time too, and support is a two way street. And it's much stronger if you lean on each other.

    I hope things start moving on the up and up soon!

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    1. Thanks, Missy. I hope things get better on your end, too. It does get frustrating especially when I forget that we each deal with our issues in different ways and that I shouldn't take it personally. It's hard not feel rejected even though I know it's nothing to do with me/us and more to do with his frame of mind at the moment.

      Are you guys pretty much in the same page when it comes to current situation?

      And I agree, laughter is incredibly important to make it through the hard times!

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  2. I was going to say basically what Missy said.


    Just do your best - both of you - and remember; almost everyone goes through times like this, the trick is to be there for each other and enjoy what good times you can while the ride is bumpy.

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    1. I know...still it's nice to hear someone else say it, too. Thanks, Toriz.

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  3. I can't offer any words of (hopefully) helpful here - but the "two way street" thing sounds pretty good to me. A "true" team pulls together and goes forward on the "strengths" of its members when the best equipt person takes the lead tackling whatever's before the "team".

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