I typically tend to close right up when something's not right even though everyone's advice is the same: reach out to others, speak, go out, share, get dressed, put some makeup on, shower, blah. Do you get that, too? I only had the motivation to try it about halfway into my week and yes, I always feel so much better once I do, but I just can't care less about any of that when I'm still simmering in it, you know? Instead, my funk style consists of starvation, quiet spirals of self-criticisms, tears, and plenty of sleep in the same worn out shirt. Now what I would like it to evolve into is a quick dive into determination, creative arts, healthy reflection, and bounce back with my spirit renewed in a kick-ass dress.
I'm not quite there yet, but this time around my upturn was ushered in with a need for conversation, trips to the park, family outings, watching the Olympics with my sister (isn't it so addicting?), and then letting her kick me right in the butt about designing. I spent the weekend painting way past my bedtime and thinking about what she'd told me (something about how awesome I am and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but mostly about how awesome I am). Through this I discovered that I'm slowly learning what my artistic style wants to be (I might finally like the way this looks - maybe) and that I shouldn't be so timid about opening up about my happy successes and big fat failures. In fact, a close friend and I later bonded over how we were battling through similar issues at the same time and neither of us reached out to the other thinking we were alone in this. I felt bad knowing there was someone who could've used some comforting while I was too busy dwelling on my own problems.
I don't want to keep wearing that negative attitude. It's much too heavy on me and doesn't fare well with my complexion. So I'm starting to point out my triggers before it snowballs (even out loud sometimes) and currently putting my mind on my short term goals rather than the mountain up ahead.
A week ago I had a nice virtual pow wow over Skype with my friend The Bantu Girl and during our convo she mentioned a Tony Glaskins quote that rung so true:
"If you don't build your dream someone will hire you to help build theirs."
"Oh, snap!" I laughed and completely agreed. If you don't go for yours, you'll soon find yourself caught up in someone else's baby. That's not to say that we shouldn't support each other's projects, but don't forget to check in from time to time and ask, "Self, what have I done for you lately?"
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some more designing and playing to do before bed. Night!