Tuesday, January 21, 2014
A Calm Life
When 2013 ended, A. wrote a Facebook status pointing out how his year wasn't incredibly interesting: he enjoyed working at his job, hardly traveled save for Los Angeles and a second trip to Burning Man, and then he moved into a new apartment with me.
"I'm settling down. Holy crap. I was never very interesting before, but now I am downright boring," he joked.
Now I don't think he's boring at all, but I understand where he's coming from. In fact, just days after we moved in together I started worrying that we'd become domesticated, get tired of each other, and lose the spark in our relationship, or that we'd start to see each other as roomies rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. I envisioned us doing the same things every day, cooking, cleaning, and tucking into bed early, you know, being Responsible Adults. It's crazy because I'd been wanting this for a long time and now that we had finally achieved it, I was suffering through a case of Fear of Missing Out, FOMO if you will. While I knew I'd enjoy this next phase, I was also thinking that our carefree days were behind us.
Now a month and a half in, I'm learning that it's okay if things have calmed down for a bit. It's nice to have the stability and less stress in my life. We might not be out and about every evening, but we're slowly creating our home and saving up for future adventures. We make time to hang out with friends both together and apart from each other and give each other space to breathe at home. I'm discovering new activities that bring me joy including those domestic chores that I always fought against. Just writing that sounded perfectly boring, but you know what? I'm content. I like getting my work done, keeping the house nice and tidy, and then tending to A. when he gets in from work. I'm not expected to do that last bit, but it just feels nice and he takes good care of me, too.
We're still navigating all this newness and how to nurture the relationship in this new light. I admit I was getting so consumed with fixing the apartment, holiday to dos with Porcupine Hugs, and my two jobs, that I was neglecting my boyfriend for a while. When you work from home, it's really easy to just work through the entire day, but last week we started powering down earlier to give each other time and affection before falling asleep. We'll cuddle, chat, play a game, or listen to music together, just something to reconnect at the end of each day. Besides, work will always be there ready to rile you up in the morning so it's nice to relish the calm whenever you can catch it.
How do you make sure to keep the spark alive while living with your significant other?