Monday, July 7, 2008

The D Word

So looks like Cynthia Rodriguez finally had enough of A-Rod's cheating and creeping and filed for a divorce. And now with Mariah and Nick's marriage supposedly on the rocks (did I call that one or not?) it really saddens me how little value marriage holds nowadays.

Why is it so easy to just up and leave behind everything you built together? Granted, in these two cases - because really it's only a matter of time for that second pair - you can only put up with so much (A-Rod is a cocky punk and Mimi is a delusional diva).

I'd like to think I won't suffer the same fate as my parents, especially not after 20 years and three kids, but I guess you never know until you're in that situation yourself. I'd also like to believe that I'd do anything and everything to save the marriage/relationship and hope he'd do the same in turn. Maybe some people are lifers and others see relationships as dispensible. I don't know which team I bat for on that one. On one hand, I loved being in a serious, long term relationship and having just one guy in my life (my brain's too scattered to keep track of more than that). But then the other part of me figures it's only a matter of time until the relationship ends because really, doesn't everything end at some point? (Btw, so not the greatest mindset to have during a relationship. It only turns it into a self-fulfilling prophecy).

And that could be my pessimistic side, my "parents got divorced, so I probably will too" side, or my "this is so amazing that I'm unbelievably scared of what comes next" side. Most likely a combo of all three. But I'm interested to know: what do you guys think about divorce? Is it inevitable? Disheartening, considering the statistics? Most importantly, would you ever get one?


  1. please, in todays day and age how can you not become desensitized when it comes to divorces? i remember years ago i would say, hmm im sure ill have like 3 divorces and i must mentally prepare myself. now i say, to hell with marriages! except i may still get married, hee hee.

    ps. sigue criticando celebs.. ahorita encuentran esto y te meten una demanda!

  2. For starters, it's not libel if it's true. If they haven't jailed Perez by now...

    And yeah, with divorce being as prevalent as it is, it's as if it were no big deal anymore. Before it was sooo taboo to even think about getting a divorce, and in some cultures it still is, but here it's almost the norm!

    Now it's a rarity if you stayed married til death did you part and- gasp!- stayed true to your vows. But it's so hard trying to be a hopeless romantic in this day and age.

  3. Please! A-Rod is so HOT its not even funny. So she's leaving because he cheats, so she goes to visit her "FRIEND" Lenny Kravitz.

    Even before she's divorced. As if Lenny Kravitz has a record for being a good husband. These women don't even get divorced before they move on to the next man. Its like, Lady, you have 2 small kids and left your husband 2 hours go. GO RAISE YOUR KIDS! And then slowly get yourself a good man.

    The problem is that no one thinks about their kids. What kind of example are you giving your kids when you change men every month?

  4. Same goes for men. Men, please!!!! Set examples for your sons, a good man doesn't cheat and set examples for your daughters of what they should look for in a man.

    I love A-Rod, but I admit he's a cheater and a bad husband. But he's still super duper HOT!

  5. Ok, so I have officially taken over your blog.

    So, sometimes divorce is the best option. Its better to get divorced than to force your kids (if you have them) to live with 2 people who fight and bicker all the time.

    Is it sad? Yes. But its even sadder to live with someone who you don't love anymore, or who doesn't love you. Everyone deserves to find love, and if you can't find it in your marriage anymore you need to move on.

    I do believe some people stay together forever because they love eachother. But back in the day, lots of people stayed together because divorcing was taboo. I know lots of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers were cheated on constantly but they would never leave their husbands, even if they were unhappy.

    Now, lots of people get married for the wrong reasons and are not willing to fight to make the relationship work. You have to try and do anything possible to save your marriage. But if at the end of the day its not working move on before you hate eachother.

    And yes, if I was unhappy and felt that I didn't love my husband and that he didn't love me anymore, I would divorce him. But not before, we did therapy, second honeymoons, date nights and everything possible to salvage what we have.

    But sometimes you need to know when to give up, let it go and move on.

  6. I agree that some people just check out of the relationship before they even do their absolute best to fix whatever is wrong. As if moving on to someone else will make you feel better. And then if it does happen that you fall hard for someone else, then let go of the previous one before doing anything else with New Boo. You don't get to be greedy and have both! It's slim pickings out there!

    And I don't think A-Rod is hot at all. Especially, not enough for me to put up with his shenanigans. And apparently they were both being comforted by Madonna and Lenny. Yeah...comforted...yo se lo digo.

    As far as our ancestors' views on divorce way back when, yeah it's sad because they were forced to put up with so much machismo crap without so much as a peep. The men went around sowing their wild oats and when they were too old and tired to continue, the women would just take them back and care for them til they kicked the bucket. It's both tragic and amazing how they could handle that much heartache. My grandma even took care of those illegitimate children as if they were her own.

    I would've changed the lock and keys (if the doors locked that is) and threatened him with a machete. I refuse to put up with any kind of abuse. I love me too much for that.

    And like I said, I'd try everything under the sun to avoid a divorce. The years that followed my parents' separation was one of the most depressing times in my life and to this day I'm still dealing with the aftermath. That stuff affects each child differently and manifests itself in different ways, but the bottom line is that the children will be changed in some way.

    Sure, some are stronger than others but others will take it a lot worse. I know in my house, three children were affected and none of us have reacted in the same way to that divorce.

    I also understand that sometimes there really is no other option left. And in that case, I think it'd be so helpful to let the kids know what is going on and explain to them what will happen along with therapy (I'm such an advocate for that now). It's better than shutting them out or letting them know as the parent is walking out the door.

  7. Therapy is really important for kids in a divorce.

    And even though I think Alex is hot, I wouldn't take cheating from him. I don't think there is a man out there that I would accept cheating from.

    But then again, we are a product of our environment. Nowadays cheating is a deal-breaker, if we grew up 70 years ago we probably would think differently. We can't say we would leave if someone cheated, bc we don't know how we would think if he were born in 1920.

    But just a piece of advice, just because you are getting divorced doesn't mean you should run into the arms of another man or woman.

  8. Nope you need time to get over that person first. And I know it's hard to go from getting all this affection from someone to getting no attention at all, which is why I think people run from one set of arms to another, to feel or pretend that someone cares and that you can care for someone again. Not like I haven't thought of doing that myself, but I know it would just throw me into a deeper hole and I wouldn't feel good about myself.

    I mean unless you know exactly what you're getting yourself into and know what you're looking for. I'm sure there are women out there who are perfectly capable of getting over one guy by getting under another and go on with their lives just fine. But I know myself and will probably catch feelings that will mess with my head.

    The cheating aspect would probably depend on the situation so I won't say I'll definitely throw that relationship out the window if he cheated on me. That would be a discussion for sure and whether it's happened before, if it might happen again, how badly he cheated, do I even like him all that much, etc. That's not to say that I don't respect myself or will put up with being taken advantage of. It's just me being practical.

  9. I can't berate someone for taking back a cheating spouse.

    Noone can judge a relationship.

    At the end of the day only the 2 people involved know what really happened and if its repairable.

  10. And I think that holds true across the board. I mean unless the person is being physically, verbally, mentally, or sexually abused and someone clearly needs to intervene because he/she just doesn't have the strength to take him/herself out of that situation, then it's best if we leave what goes on between the two alone.

    As outsiders we can speculate all we want, but the decisions made come down to the people directly involved.


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