Monday, November 10, 2008

To pursue or not pursue, that is the question

So, as you know our wonderful blogger Dorkys is away on vacation. So here I am, her friend Heidi (the prisoner for Halloween) writing an entry so she can finally step away from the computer for a few days.

Anyways, I wanted to bring up a subject and see if you guys agree or disagree with me. I am one of those old fashioned girls who still believes in chivalry and having men take the extra steps to win my affection. But as time goes by you see that there are less girls out there willing to sit and wait for men to decide what the next move should be and they are out there pursuing the object of their affection.

So sometimes I wonder, am I doing the right thing waiting for men to approach me or should I build up courage and go ahead and do the approaching. The truth is that I can not see myself pursuing men. I just can’t, maybe it’s the way I’m wired I don’t know. But I am a firm believer in that when a man is interested in a woman he goes out of his way to woo her. He asks for your number, he calls, comes see you, and wants to meet up all the time. But then again, times have changed so much that maybe men feel that if you don’t go out of your way to approach them maybe it’s an indication that you (the woman) is not interested.

It sure feels good to feel wanted and pursued by someone you’re interested in, and I guess the same way I get a self esteem boost when a guy catches my eye and takes the first step is what men feel when a woman makes a move. Or do men prefer to be the ones who take that extra step and approach women? I don’t know the answer to that, which is why I’m writing about it here.

I know that finding a man that you like and respect is hard enough in our society. So maybe when you do meet someone and you’re interested in him the logical thing to do would be to go after him. Whether that is asking for his number or being the one that initiates the phone calls and suggests meeting up. And even though I try really hard to convince myself that we have to sometimes be the ones that take matters into our own hands there’s a part of me that tells me to keep doing what I’m doing. Which is to patiently wait for my knight in shinning armor to sweep me off my feet. I guess I still feel like my mom and my grandmother felt back in the day which is that if a man is really interested in you he will make the move, even if he’s shy or insecure. The attraction he feels for you will be stronger than his fear of rejection.

So what do you guys think? Should women pursue men or should we just sit and wait for them to approach us?



  1. Speaking as a guy - the dating world is a minefield - and confusing. I would "chase" a woman if I had some idea that she was interested.

    By that I mean, don't be too "waiting for men to approach me" - some of guys are pretty clueless and hint-proof.


  2. So I guess you're saying let him know you're interested in a subtle way, but not neccesarily jump on him.

  3. times are changing, if you never make a move you risk never having someone approach you. so yeah a subtle move is OK but don't go right in as in you can look desperate.

  4. There was too be a middle ground. I think both the man and the woman have to make a move. If the man makes the first move, then the woman should make the second. If the woman makes the first move, than the man should make the second.. get it.

    The woman needs to make herself available, approachable and drop the hints that she IS in fact interested. Even if it means, ger calling the man to make that first date arrangenment.

  5. I've always been a little old-fashioned, in my belief that the man should be the one to make the move. Some men don't like women to be too agressive, and of course it wouldn't be very lady-like.

    With that said, it also hasn't worked very well for me. So maybe a subtle hint that you're interested will give him the confidence to ask for your number and call you.

  6. I don't think there is anything wrong with letting someone know you are interested, but sometimes I think it is better just to put yourself at the right place at the right time. For example, when I was younger and single there was a guy that I thought was cute that worked at a local place so I made it a point to go there just so I could meet him. I never told him that though, but after meeting him he asked for my number. So sometimes you have to let them figure out that they like you, but how would they know it if you didn't make it a point to just happen to come into their lives!

  7. I agree that giving off hints is necessary. Not many guys will jump into something without an indication of the outcome.

  8. Gosh! I don't know, and I'm so glad I don't have to worry about it anymore!!!

    I think smiling, acting attentive and interested and sincere compliments should be enough of an indication that you would like to be persued. But then again, this is MEN we are talking about. Brilliant and yet not very bright, if you know what I mean.

    Spell it way!


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