Tuesday, December 2, 2008

That's What Friends Are For

Heidi has been one of my best friends since freshman year of high school circa 1996. Through good, bad, crazy, fun times she has been there to offer an ear, a shoulder, a hug, a reality check. She's also one of the people I've been able to count on throughout this long, tough year to help me get back up after a stumble. I'm so thankful that she's a part of my life - otherwise who would tell me the following snippets of advice:

On whether I'll end up hating Mr. First...

Heidi: You won't end up hating him.

Me: How do you know?

Heidi: Because you hate how sad you feel. You hate how depressed you are. You hate that you can't be with him right now. You don't hate him as a person because he cheated or hit you or anything. You hate the way he makes you feel by not being there. And that's something that time will heal and when those negative feelings aren't there anymore all that will be left is him as a person. Not the depression or sadness or anger, just the person he is.

On missing him...

I mean really, sometimes we miss more the idea of what we had with someone than the actual person and sometimes it's bigger than just love, it's about missing having someone around. Or feeling like a failure because you feel like you didn't make it work. Sometimes it's about wanting to go back and prove to yourself that you can make it work.

On flirting...

Heidi: You have to flirt!

Me: Hell do I know about flirting?!

Heidi: You need to give them an indication that you want them to come. Flirting is easy. Just smile and have fun. Fun is gravitational; everyone wants to be a part of it. It's about getting out there to have fun and whatever happens...happens.

On getting back out there...

It's about meeting different guys. Allowing yourself to meet good ones and bad ones and not getting discouraged because you meet a few crappy ones. It's about living your life now and not letting your life pass you by because whether you and him get back together or not, you will regret the years of torture you put your body, mind and heart through. Life isn't a fairy tale and men aren't perfect - even though you and I are.

So, who's your "Heidi?" And what advice has she given you recently?

P.S. Yay for "Four Christmases" with her tonight :)


  1. Awwwwwww, I got teary eyed.

    I love you green giant


  2. You're very welcome my little monkeybutt!

  3. Aww! Aint it nice to have friends like that?

    The good thing about a "Heidi" is that it's not the same person all the time. In my time of need and healing, I had 3 of them. Right now, things are right in my life, Im not needing the advice as much so I havent been receiving much as of late. However, for the three that were my "Heidis" back then...I am now THEIR "Heidi". Why? Because I've been down a similar road before them and can be the voice of reason in their troubled times.

  4. great advice.
    i do not have a heidi,
    I'm ususally it.

  5. Your "Heidi" sounds very wise. I am still looking for a "Heidi" of my own.

    Let me know about Four Christmases! I can't wait to watch it.

  6. Gotta love awesome friends!

    That pic is great!

  7. Good advice, Heidi. :) Just remember that - and this might just be me, but it helps me - people come into our lives and they play a part. I think some (perhaps Heidi) are meant to come and STAY...others (perhaps Mr. First) are meant to come, serve a purpose, and then leave. It makes losing people a little easier once we are able to see what they've done in/for/with our lives. It makes it easier to accept they've moved on, and we can too, a little wiser, a bit more thoughtful, maybe a bit sad for awhile...but certainly more whole for having experienced another bite of life.

  8. Your friend gives great advice! My 'Heidi' is a 6'3 gay Scottish man - and I can't imagine making it through this life without him!

    Another friend once told me: "Sometimes love, lust, and life do not coincide." I thought that was great...not really advice, but it makes sense about heartache we sometimes go through.

  9. What an awesome friend you have in Heidi!

    I guess if I really thought about it, I have several "Heidi's" in my life, that help me in different situations. Some are closer in distance than others, but I know if I needed any of them, they'd be there for me in a heartbeat.

  10. Heidi sounds like an amazing and wise person. I've never really gotten really great advice like that. That's probably why my dating history is so abominable until I met Mr. Blicky. Heidi where were you when I needed you?

  11. Thank you for all the nice comments :)

  12. What a sweet post! There is nothing like having people in your life that get you and, Dorkys, it looks like you have one of those people.

  13. Great post! I am usually "Heidi" to all of my friends and since I am married I guess I don't need my own one now! :) Thanks for my award! My blog time has been seriously reduced with finals week looming over, but I am looking forward to writing more often! How was the movie? I want to go and see it so you'll have to give us a review.

  14. ladystyx, isn't it great when you can repay the love and kindness you recieved during your hard times. If I have to go through hard times, others might as well learn from it.

    franco, and I'm sure you make a great "Heidi." With your personality I'm sure you have them laughing and smiling in no time :)

    sugarlens, I hope you find yours soon and who knows? Maybe she's right under your nose...in the form of a cute little puppy ;)

    yaya, thanks and I agree!

    tooj, I read Eat, Pray, Love earlier this year and it had this wonderful passage/my favorite quote about what a soul mate is: “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go.”

    And that's what he did.

    gabby, haha I'm sure he's awesome and I liked that quote. It's very true.

    chicagolady, count yourself very lucky.

    blicky, well I'm glad you survived the treacherous road without one!

    heidi #2, actually I'm blessed with several people like that :)

    joy, hey we could always use someone to talk to about both serious and stupid stuff. You should've read the other craziness we wrote to each other! It ranged from spontaneous song lyrics to her new obsession with vampires. I've yet to get sucked into Twilight, though.

  15. Heidi's are essential! Mine's called Claire and she always told me to be gentle with my heart and it would find its way back from the hurt in time. And that time is elastic so today it might feel okay, then tomorrow it might feel like yesterday and hurt again, then it'd come back to today & be okay. But that eventually there'd be more okay days. She was right - as she usually is. That's what friends are for, you're right!


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