Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Coming Soon: Vacay Part Dos

In exactly four weeks I’ll be heading off warm sunny skies and ocean blues once again. Only this time I won’t be going alone – Anonymous is coming with me!

I was having a “life is rough and I want to run away” moment some weeks ago when she asked if I wanted to go to the Dominican Republic with her for several days.

Now let me interrupt this post to point out a few things:

- I’ve been avoiding a trip to DR like el dengue. After spending most of my childhood summers there, I practically banned the place after my last trip in 2004. “The world is way too big for so many repeat visits,” I’d say. Plus, visiting family member after family member (that I no longer feel close to) felt like zero fun. No thanks. I’d rather spend my vacation time actually vacationing and trotting the globe.

- Anonymous has been one of my closest friends for nearly 13 years and in that time she and I have traveled to…absolutely nowhere but two boroughs and one state: Bronx and Queens and a mall in New Jersey. And after last summer’s attempt at a weekend trip to Atlantic City crumbled the day before we were to head out, I was skeptical we’d ever travel together let alone leave the country.

- As much as I’d love to travel alone again, there’s just no way I could afford another solo trip anytime soon. And I take the idea of traveling with someone else very seriously. I refuse to be dragged into drama, like to chill out, act silly and have fun without worrying about what the other person might think. She fits the bill. She knows what I like and dislike, what I will and won't do and offers just the right amount of "push" to make me try something new.

I said yes instantly (I was really having a stressed-out day). So at the end of April, she and I will be laying out on a beach in Puerto Plata checking out the gorgeous view – and I’m not talking about the sunsets. This should be interesting ;)

Image: members.virtualtourist.com

Monday, March 30, 2009

Straight Up and Dirty

Last week was a leisurely one. Work was manageable and with no pressing deadlines I was able to breathe for a couple days. Best of all, I was finally able to pick up a book again.

I'd started photographer-blogger-writer Stephanie Klein's Straight Up and Dirty on my press trip two months ago and it had been decorating my bedside table since then. This time I opened it again and plowed through it in a matter of days.

In it, Klein takes us through what she thought was a perfect life - and her subsequent divorce with the man she married at 24. It's about her (failed) attempts to get over it by becoming a serial dater (despite her phone therapist's advice), the heart ache, the confusion, the hilariousness, nights of sex with wrong men, walking away from seemingly nice relationships and the fear of being alone. It's about finally realizing that no man can hold her happiness in his hands.

I connected.

“It still amazes me how fast everything important can be undone. In a phone call, a text message, an e-mail, an instant message conversation. Weddings that took months of planning can be called off. Engagements broken. A phone call to a moving company and real estate agent and you’re good as gone. Complicated relationships, where promises and truths were shared in dark theaters, through a bar with his hand on her back, in the backseat of cabs, in the rain when he shared his umbrella, can unbutton in a beat. It saddens me how a lifetime of promises that mean everything to us can be unraveled faster than something as trivial and maddening as fine tangled thread.”

When she wrote about one breakup, I felt her pain. The questions she asked herself were the very ones I'd wondered myself and I'm sure there are many who've been through the same. We invest and hope and think if we work really hard that everything else will fall into place. We're scared that if we let go of one person or thing, nothing else will come in to replace it. That we'll live out the rest of our lives empty, unfulfilled.

It's that fear of being alone that will have you grabbing for the convenient, the safe, just because it's there. Because it's easier than jumping into the dark. But how will you find what's right if you're hiding under what's wrong? Easier said than done, I know.

Klein's story was a wonderful read especially now as I've started filling my life again.

Image: harpercollins.com

Morning Show Goodness

I prefer listening to music as I get ready for the day. I like to sing in the shower and dance as I get dressed. If the dog is lucky, I'll even dedicate a number to him. The downside? Time flies when you pretend you're Beyoncé. What starts off as a carefree morning soon turns into a mad frenzy as I run to catch my train. I just can't seem to cut off a song when it's only halfway through.

So today I opted for a morning show instead: a couple songs interspersed with funny commentary from Elvis Duran and the Z Morning Zoo. Only this time I was laughing so hard I'd lost track of the time anyway! Here's why:

The chorus gets me every time! (And if you don't know why this is hilarious then check out the original here.)

So how do you jump-start your day?

And P.S. Gross.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sunday Round-Up

The Meaning of Lila

The Meaning of Lila

The Meaning of Lila

The Meaning of Lila

- My ears were still hurting this morning from last night's karaoke bar. The tone deafness was serious. So was The Anger and The Depression.

- Comedian Steve Harvey has a new book out titled Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. He explains some of his relationship tips here. Terrible (but funny)!

- Remember Alfie? Turns out the 13-year-old kid isn't the father of the baby. He was tricked by the baby mama and her mama. And so I ask, "WTH??" (via Gawker)

- Failblog.org: hilarious pictures and videos of everything questionable. Makes you want to say, "Errr??" (via Josh is Trashy)

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

- Fans of Aeneas, the founding of Rome and Facebook listen up: someone decided to tell The Aeneid through Facebook updates! (via Gawker)

- Ever had a question in the middle of the street and couldn't rest until you knew the answer? Well if you text kgb.com at 542542 they'll send you the answer. Crazy examples: When does New Moon come out in theaters? Where is Osama hiding? What is a belly button? Will I ever find my true love? (Not kidding here).

Alternative cheaper option: phone a friend with instant internet access. (via me watching a commercial during NCAA games)

- My coworker sent me a link to a great site (notcouture.com) that rounds up cool fashion picks. I'm not usually into that sort of thing, but the site itself looks nice and the way it's set up makes it easy to find something you'll love. She and I adore this dress (so much so that she blogged about it on Latina.com)!

Images: comics.com, failblog.org, asos.com

Outing Arithmetic

A best buddy
Bad singers
Bar food
Bartenders (cute ones!)
One fun Saturday night :)

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I Got My Easy Breezy

I woke up feeling semi-frazzled today thanks to my dreams. The first was of a surprise visit from Mr. First. It was really nice – at least it must have been considering the second dream.

It was an outside ceremony and “Here Comes the Bride” had already begun. He was at the altar waiting for me to make my way through the crowd and where was I? Running late as always. I couldn’t find my white Chucks.

(That’s right. I’d decided on sneakers for my wedding day. And don’t think I haven’t considered that option when the real thing rolls around.)

When I was finally ready to make my way toward him, the music was over and then I woke up.

Um, ok? I didn’t wake up feeling sad or mad or…anything really. Just curious. So I looked it up:

To see a wedding in your dream, symbolizes a new beginning or transition in your current life. They reflect your issues about commitment and independence. Alternatively, your wedding dream refers to feelings of bitterness, sorrow, or death. Such dreams are often negative and highlight some anxiety or fear. If you dream that the wedding goes wrong or ends in disaster, then it suggests that there is more negativity that needs to be dealt with.

To dream that you are getting married to your ex, suggests that you have accepted aspects of that relationship and learned from those past mistakes. Alternatively, it means that a current relationship shares some commonality with your previous relationship with your ex. However, you will not make those same mistakes.

There’s been a shift over the last couple of months. I’m mostly ok if we talk and I’m mostly ok if we don’t. Little by little other things have occupied my mind. I understand more. I’ve come to accept more. Yes I’ll still trip, but I’m not falling flat on my face anymore. Funny how people have been telling me this for months and I’ve only come to see it now.

My masochistic self even pulled out the framed picture of us from my pj drawer to see if it’d trigger any emotions. The same one I’d lie in bed with and cling to those first few days wondering how we went from that to this. Only this time nothing happened. I just sat on my bedroom floor staring at what was us. I gave it a half smile and slipped it back under his old T-shirt. That’s when I realized how far I’d come.

This doesn’t mean I don’t care deeply about him. I do. In fact, I know we both still do. We worry for each other’s safety: “Please don’t walk to the club by yourself at 11:30 pm.” “Please don’t mix your allergy and flu medication.” We cheer for the other’s success and listen when the stress piles on. We keep mental notes of things the other should check out and take delight when the other likes it too.

Maybe now I’m just seeing the situation through a different set of glasses. Or maybe all those tears were just skewing my view.

Afternoons spent sobbing into my pillow in defeat have given way to trips to the park, dancing around the apartment and giggling at Toby’s antics. If singing while doing the dishes isn’t an indication of contentment then I don’t know what is.

What I do know is that today I’m happy. The close-my-eyes-as-I-walk-and-just-breathe happy. The smile-at-strangers-who-like-puppies happy. The same you’ll-be-just-fine happy I’d been trying to recreate since I came back from Cancun.

As I write this I’m wearing my ex’s over-sized jacket while sitting atop the highest hill in the park with a smile on my face. So right now I’m just going to sit and take today in.

Image: sofianegronblog.com

Friday, March 27, 2009

Cute Guys Should NOT Be Doctors

Much less gynecologists. Seriously, the annual itself is uncomfortable enough without adding a cute MD to the mix. Granted, there’s nothing sexy about powder-free rubber gloves and specula (unless you’re into that sort of thing), but hellooo doctor. If only I wasn’t in such a compromising position during our meetings.

And then there are the “routine questions” surely created to remind me of how much action I’ve had in the past year:

Dr. McCutie: So any new boyfriends?
Me: No.
Dr. McCutie: Are you still taking the same birth control pills?
Me: No, actually. I stopped taking them a year ago.
Dr. McCutie: Ok, so when you and your boyfriend have sex—
Me: Actually, I don’t have a boyfriend anymore.
Dr. McCutie: Oh ok. Then let me cross that out here. (Proceeds to cross off last year’s response.) So when you have sex what kind of birth control do you use?
Me: Actually I haven’t really had…
Dr. McCutie: Ok…but you know if you were to have sex you should use a condom.
Me: (to self) Kill me please?

So after the exam I started thinking: what makes a guy want to become a gynecologist in the first place (aside from the perverted obvious)? Do they get so sick and tired of staring down there that their own sex lives suffer? Or do they know what to do just because they’ve studied it so much? Better yet, how on Earth do their wives handle their profession?

And finally, somebody please tell me why they feel it’s perfectly ok to strike up a convo about randomness when you’re in the most vulnerable position ever?! Work is fine, now shut up so I can pretend this is not happening right now.

Image: myspace.com

I Know I've Been M.I.A....

But there's no way you could hate me after watching this video of my friend's baby :)

Now I need an "I want kids" cure stat! Anywho, more posts to come later - I promise!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Courtship Questions

Saturday night the girls and I went out to a club by my house (very convenient by the way; had I known it existed I would've been a regular there by now). I had lots of fun and came home with my sis much later than I expected. But while I danced and laughed the night away, a few things popped into my head and I wanted to know what you guys thought:

- When a guy (or a girl) you're not interested in asks for your number, do you a) pretend you didn't hear the request, b) give out your digits like candy on Halloween, c) give out a fake number and hope s/he doesn't test it on the spot or d) politely explain why your answer is "Hell to the no?"

I'm (a) all the way. I might be flattered that you asked, but I don't know you, am much too "cautious" to give out my digits like that and it'll just become another phone number I'll ignore. I have done it once, though. That lucky guy was The Lawyer. And the first and only time I lied and said I lost my phone (while praying it didn't ring in my pocket), my phone was stolen just days later. I learned my lesson.

- When the guy (or girl) realizes you're not giving up your number and s/he says, "Look me up on Facebook!" as you walk away, do you a) turn around and ask if s/he's 22, b) keep it moving - quickly, c) thank your lucky stars you didn't hook up with someone who would use Facebook as a line or d) introduce him/her to a younger sib?

My response: (b) and (c). Seriously guys, keep Facebook for your silent stalking needs. Besides, if s/he doesn't want to suffer through a phone convo, s/he probably wouldn't be interested in learning 25 Things about you.

- When you're with someone on the dance floor or in, um, more intimate settings, have you ever had to close your eyes and pretend they were someone else just to get through the moment?

Saturday night I just had to (while dancing, of course)! No, really. If you saw him you'd have to, too. And apparently I wasn't the only one. Is that mean? I could have said, "Oh no, that's ok! Really! My feet! They're just killing me right now." Instead I said yes because I wanted to dance with someone, anyone (clearly). Then I proceeded to dance with a figment of my imagination with my back towards him. So evil and yet so necessary. Trust me. The guy was way creeptastic on the dance floor. *Shudders*

By the way, if the thought of being intimate with someone is so unappealing that you actually have to envision someone entirely different because you just cannot stomach his/her presence, then you might want to rethink that one, no? Just saying. Or maybe times have just gotten that rough...?

Also, have you ever slipped and called him/her the other person's name? It's slightly different, but I have let "babe" slip out during phone convos with my guy friends. Thank goodness they missed it because they weren't paying attention. Men.

- And finally, the age old question: How big is your allowable age gap? I'm still wrapping my mind that it's (almost) perfectly fine to look toward the 30-year-olds, but I don't think I could aim for too young either. I think age difference is a lot more noticeable when you're in your teens and 20s. You change by leaps and bounds. You're still growing, still trying to figure out who you are. Once you reach 30, I'd like to think you're more sure of yourself and a bit more stable so age really does become nothing but a number. But then again what do I know? I'm only 27. I have eons to go before then ;)

Images: padring.com, rahulsood.com, dearsugar.com

Miss March

A few weeks ago I was interviewed to be my grad school's Alumna of the Month! I was more than happy to say yes since I absolutely loved my time in Newhouse. Thanks to my year there I was able to transition from an architecture background to a journalism career. Yeah I had to work my butt off - we all did - but seeing where I am now, I'd say it was totally worth it.

You can read the story here.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Random Round-Up

- I love cheap and free offers - especially when it comes to magazines. I already shared Glamour's super cheap deal last week, so how excited was I to come across this free offer on Being Red?! Time Inc. will send you five issues (in print or digital form) of your own customized mag - called MINE - with a selection of articles from five of eight different titles: Time, InStyle, Money, Travel + Leisure, Golf, Real Simple, Sports Illustrated and Food & Wine. Granted the content is from previously published issues, but did I mention it's five free issues every two weeks? My magazine will contain a mixture of style, time, simplicity, leisure and sports. What about yours?

- Do you like gospel singers? What about senior citizen gospel singers? How about senior citizen gospel singers who sing hip hop? If so, then this video was made for you. So bad it's crazy awesome. (via blythe: unscripted)

- You know what I wonder about sometimes? Applesauce. Specifically, applesauce specks. How do I know they're really from the apples and not dirt from the floor? Just a thought. Still tastes yummy. Anywho, I digress...

- New York Times blogger Christoph Niemann has a new post! Can you say finally?

- Natasha Richardson's story is so tragic, my heart breaks for Liam and his family :(

- The Times Square Virgin Megastore is going out of business so they've been having major sales over the last couple of weeks. I finally walked on over today and scored a couple CDs and Wall-E. I will finally learn what all the fuss is about! (By the way, there's 10 days left, the whole store is like 40-70% off and if you buy CDs and DVDs in groups of five, you'll get an additional 15% off.)

- Apparently Toby loves the taste of couch foam better than his puppy chow. The fur-fool has been eating the inner lining while I'm away! At least he's discreet with his destruction because it's underneath the cover, but still ew. Has he no taste buds??

- Paula Abdul makes me laugh. I should start watching American Idol again just for her antics.

- Dear Husband is such a cute blog, I dare you to read the whole thing and not giggle. These notes to a future Mr. Right are too adorable! Too bad it's no longer updated. Boo. (via Smitten)

- Looking for cheap booze? Well if you live in NYC, Chicago, Honolulu, Miami, San Fran or LA check out myopenbar.com for a list of places offering cheap or free drinks each day!

- And this trailer for Disney's Earth gave my sister and me the warm fuzzies:

Have a lovely weekend, monkeybutts. Anybody doing anything fun? I'll be going out tomorrow night and then my sis is sleeping over :)

Spring Finally Decides to Join Us

So click here for today's colorful post!
(And if you make your own, please share!)

Why is it snowing right now?!?

Image: media.photobucket.com

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Little Chefs

Wish you had a little more help in the kitchen? Then have your kids jump in! Not only does it serve as a fun chance to bond, but you can also use that time to teach them about good nutrition and other skills. The earlier you introduce them to healthy eating habits, the higher their chances of making smart choices when they're older. Bon appetit!

Image: fc.yesnet.yk.ca

Ten Ways a Body Pillow is Better Than a Man

(Or at least this is what I'm going to tell myself once I buy one.)

(A pillow not a man.)

1. Its sole purpose is to comfort and support you.
2. You can rub your frozen feet up against it and it won't complain.
3. No stubble.
4. When you hit it out of anger, it won't surprise you with a punch to the face.
5. If you roll in at three in the morning and plop your head on it, it won't bug you with "Where have you been all night?"
6. It'll get into any shape you please, no questions asked.
7. No jealousy should you choose another pillow to snuggle up with for the night.
8. When you wrap yourself around it in the middle of the night, it won't mumble something about suffocation and push you away.
9. It's perfectly fine if does nothing but lay in bed all day.
10. It will gladly join you on the couch for some cuddling and chick flicks.

Image: livingincomfort.com

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Last House on the Left

I can't handle scary movies. I refuse to lose precious sleep because of them and I'm even less inclined to watch one when I have to sleep alone. Which is why after Anonymous invited me to see The Last House on the Left last Friday, my immediate response was "I'll pass."

Two days later, she calls:

Her: Hey, do you want to go see The Last House on the Left?
Me: Que no!!
Her: Aww come on! It's not scary at all. It's actually from the creators of Disney!
Me: You liar!

And yet there I was five hours later sitting in the theater, my anxiety skyrocketing and eeeking like a little school girl. But even though I kept hiding my face in Anonymous' friend's arm throughout the movie (kudos to her for inviting a guy and making him sit between us), I have to say the movie needs improvement.

The first half felt so dragged out, I just wanted someone to come and put me out of my misery. Or at least put the main character out of hers. I even yawned when I looked at the time and slumped in my chair when I saw we were only an hour in.

Then there was the overly gruesome bodily harm. Some scenes were so uncomfortable and sickening to watch (and of course those were the ones they had to show in great detail) that if I wasn't squirming in my seat, I was peeking at the screen through my fingers. The pace and the gore definitely picked up in the second half, but in the end I still had unanswered questions (like whatever happened to her brother).

All in all, I guess it wasn't so bad. Maybe I'm saying that because I survived the ordeal (and yes, to me scary movies are an ordeal that must be survived). Or maybe it's because I was just happy it wasn't one of those psychologically twisted films that creep into your head and screw with your mind for life. Nope, I didn't need to call my dear friend at two in the morning freaking out because I couldn't sleep. I hope she's still counting her blessings.

The Last House on the Left: 2.5/5 Toasties

So do you love scary movies? Or are you like me: a total scaredy-cat who's not afraid to admit it?

Image: moviefone.com

Happy St. Patty's Day

Please celebrate responsibly :)

Image: jtanddale.com

Monday, March 16, 2009


This is for those who are toughing it out. For those who are tired of fighting and on the verge of quitting. This is for those whose bodies have taken beating after beating and don't know when relief will finally come. For those who've won or lost the battle and for those left to pick up the pieces.

For those whose jobs are on the line or who are struggling to make ends meet. Who don't know where the next meal will come from and don't know what to tell their children when they ask. For those who are uncertain of what tomorrow holds and don't know where to go from here.

For those who've lost someone they love. For those who've been separated for one reason or another from the person who brought them joy. For those who already understand why this happened and for those who are still wondering why. This is for broken hearts and lost souls. For those trying to find their way back.

The hurting, the anxious, the confused, the misunderstood. The ones who feel there is no one left to trust. This is for those who go to sleep lonely every night wishing they could reach out to someone...if only they knew how.

And this is for the simple fact that my heart feels for you. Whether I know you or not.


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

March Madness

I don't watch basketball. I've never really cared to watch 40-year-old men run up and down the court. I do however watch men's college basketball for several weeks out of the year and that time is finally here!

A joyous time filled with brackets, upsets, lost bets and a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I kick myself when those games go on forever, but they're so good. Yeah, I go into borderline cardiac arrest when it's a close one and scream when the tying shot makes it in that last second (causing the game to last another five hours), but it's fun. You know what's also fun? Filling out that bracket without a clue as to what you're doing and showing up some of the other pros in the team. Or going to the local sports bar to watch the game on a big screen surrounded by loud and passionate fans.

For newbies, here's a primer: 64 college teams compete for the national champion spot. The bracket lets you choose who you think will proceed to the next round. You score points for each correct pick and those points are increased with each round. Obviously, he or she with the most points at the end of the tourney wins.

Since I don't watch any games during the season, I have a strategy when it comes to picking which teams I think will advance to the next round:

- Do I like your school's name?
- Did I attend your school and you miraculously made it this far? (Way to blow it last night, Syracuse.)
- Did your school overcome an obstacle this year?
- Do you have a player with an interesting name, gripping story or sheer giant-like qualities? (Hi Sasha Kaun and Greg Oden!)
- Are you the underdog? (*Does not apply when a #1 school goes up against a #16. I'm not a complete fool here.)
- Do I even remember you from last year?
- Heads or tails?
- Is someone I know rooting against you?

See? It's all simple science. I know die-hards will look down on me for this, but eh. I only check into anything when the stakes are high and there's an end in sight. When players start feeling the pressure and craziness ensues.

I thought I'd create a private group for us so if you'd like to join in and fill a bracket click here (the group ID # is 41818 and the password is "dryastoast"). Brackets will be locked on Thursday, March 19 before the start of the first game so be sure you've completed them by then.

The winner will get lots and lots of...bragging rights. I'm pretty sure that's the currency in the sports world anyway.

Image: entertainment.howstuffworks.com

Friday, March 13, 2009

Happy Friday!

(Thanks for the laughs, sis!)

Notes from the Universe

Last week, I spent quite a bit of time checking blogs until I finally settled into Girl Friday's. Her posts are sweet and full of fun videos (like this awesome T-Mobile ad) that are sure to make you think or smile.

Anywho, thanks to her I learned about Notes from the Universe, a site that sends you a daily personalized e-mail meant to inspire you and push you to your goals. A daily little pick-me-up? I signed right up!

Here's what The Universe had to tell me this week:


If you look closely enough, intent upon understanding those things that cause you great pain and consternation, Dorkys, ultimately, I promise you, you'll find great joy and illumination.

Take the bait,
The Universe

P.S. And if you look closer still, Dorkys, you'll see all such things as proof of life's infinite grace.

* I always forget that the hard times are meant to teach an important lesson and that those days will eventually give way to happy ones. How do you find the strength to look into the pain and find the joy within it when you feel beaten and exhausted? I can examine in retrospect, but not when I'm in the midst of it.


Something that might add some sugar and spice to your daily comings and goings, Dorkys, would be to constantly remind yourself, "I created this, because I wanted to."

Prepare to be empowered,
The Universe

As well as, Dorkys, "I can change the heck out of it, and fast."

* I'm on the fence about this. I never know if everything is pre-written and what happens to us will happen no matter what we do. I also know it's a lazy school of thought. As if we live our lives as puppets playing out a master script. Or do we write our own story? One helps you let things go. The other helps you fight for the life you want. I'll go with a little of both.


Sometimes when you're ready for a change, Dorkys, and you kind of know it but won't admit it, when it comes, not only are you surprised, but it hurts.

Yeah, I know that doesn't help much, unless you remember the "ready" part. Because there is simply no change that might ever transpire in time and space that happens before you're fully able to use it for your own growth and glory.

Love watching you create,
The Universe

So hey, Dorkys, may as well just act like you had personally requested it, and soar. Because, truthfully, you did, and, honestly, you can.

* Another hard one to swallow, but it sends my thoughts right to last year. Yes, I was caught off guard though I'd been playing out the event in my head for months. It did hurt and I did think I'd be devastated forever. But I'm not - at least nowhere near as much as before. When it comes to what you cannot control: Accept. Learn. Grow. I guess you do encounter the challenges you're ready to handle.


Just curious, Dorkys, when was the last time you looked into a mirror and addressed yourself as "Gorgeous," "Magnificent," or "Sublime"?

Dorkys, it matters.

The Universe

Okay, Dorkys, "Hubba, Hubba" counts.

* When was the last time I addressed myself as what?? Um, never? Although my cell phone does turn on with a little "Hey, Gorgeous" note, I know that doesn't count. Note to self: tell self she's beautiful more often. She deserves it.


Never underestimate, Dorkys, how many friends you have, how close you are, and how much fun you're going to have.

Because, as you've seen throughout your entire amazing life, one usually gets exactly what they've been estimating.

You thrill me,
The Universe

P.S. How close are you, Dorkys???

* Close enough. Now please don't stalk me, Universe.

Image: t-tutorials.com

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Surprise Wedding

And of course in keeping with ridiculous shows to love (to hate), in comes Surprise Wedding. Heidi rings in (knowing full well I'll get hooked) to tell me about this special.

The premise: five women are ready to get married, but apparently are tired of waiting for their boyfriends to pop the question. So logically, they decided to drag those poor unsuspecting, souls to a nationally televised show in front of a ginormous audience in - where else? - Vegas! The girl - decked out in white - pops in and the sure-to-be-scared guys are finally let in on the secret: she's ready to get married and you've got a couple minutes to consult one person, give an answer and actually go through with it...ON NATIONAL TV AND IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE!!!

So awesomely bad, I love it. This is going to be a disaster. Thank you WE for making me feel saner each day.

It's on right now til 10 PM. Missed the first hour, but I only missed the crazy back stories. Now it's when things will get good...or bad...

Five yeses! (Though I think this third one is headed straight for "What the hell did I just do?")

Geez, lesson learned: if a guy won't marry you, drag him out to national TV and put him between a rock and a hard place. Then he has to say yes. No guarantees it'll last, though. Maybe they could come up with a follow-up show: Surprise Real Life?

Six Wishes

What three wishes would you make for yourself right now? And what three would you wish for a loved one?

Right now I'd wish for no bills, 85 degree days and a good night's sleep. For my sister, an A on her paper, time to breathe and a budget!

Image: thelastchancecafe.blogspot.com

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Wednesday Night TV Rambles

* Best news of the day: Lie To Me at 8 PM instead of 9 PM! That means I can also watch Lost tonight! I hope it's this way forever. Even though that means no American Idol.

* Love this show and Tim Roth. Another thing I love? This chicken pad thai from Siam Grill.

* I knew it was too good to be true. Lost is a total repeat. Boo. At least next week it'll be the same time setup.

* How cute is Nestor Carbonell? Very:

* You know who else is cute? Sawyer...

* Some of these reality shows sicken me. The Cougar? Geez. Hey, does anyone remember Boy Meets Boy? Or Joe Millionaire? Such lies.

* Anywho, I think Dennis the Menace should be kicked out of the High School Reunion house stat. What he said was completely unacceptable and I don't buy his apology. If he wasn't confronted he wouldn't have felt "badly" about what he did.

* Boo! Boo to the "power of forgiveness." This show is dishing out "forgiveness" like candy on Halloween. Bogus.

* Note to you: Neil Patrick Hottie is hosting the TV Land Awards someday at some time. If you're into that sort of thing.

* So Scott "The Loner" H. has decided to leave the house because this fool stayed. I respect that, but also can't believe this monkeybutt gets to stick around despite his racist and homophobic remarks.

* Ooh, someone has a secret admirer! How romantic :) Have you ever had one? Here's how you can be one or find out who yours is!

* That takes some guts: to have a silent crush on someone for 20 years and then profess your love in front of the girl of your dreams - and a houseful of people. Oh band geek. Too bad she wasn't impressed at all. Ooh scratch that. This crush has been full on SINCE THE 7TH GRADE!

* Oy vey, this date is getting more painful by the minute. Why is he telling her about his past homelessness and his ex-fiancée who kept their engagement hidden from her parents? That's a first date DON'T! Here are some others.

* Yes! I hope Liz "The Wannabe" and Jenny "The Cheerleader" duke it out next week. And Tom and Kara go on their first date since their divorce, but apparently Dennis is trying to throw a wrench into the whole operation with his "feelings for Kara." Get out of there! I'm all for rekindling the romance :)

Image: cbs.com

Coping with Couples

Saturday night, Heidi, Anonymous and I had plans to bowl at this new bowling lounge called Lucky Strike. That afternoon when we were figuring out where to meet, I asked Heidi who else was going:

"Oh Anonymous' sis and her fiancé, a cousin and her boyfriend and another girl with hers," she said.

"Wait! So it's couples night?? Great..."

There'd be a lovely single lady for each pair, I thought to myself. Awesome.

Here's the thing: there are some couples you don't mind hanging out with because you don't feel like a fifth wheel around them. Then are those with the pet names and the googly eyes, the lap sitting and PDAs that cause a full-on gag fest. Spare me.

That night the lovebirds stole kisses here and there while the ladies and I discussed important matters...like where'd the cute bouncer go. The couples were manageable, but I did have to avert my eyes a couple times.

And although I wonder if I made my friends gag when I had a boyfriend, right now I'm on the other side of the fence. So here's how to cope when hanging out with your coupled friends:

- When they start getting affectionate right in front of you, that's the perfect time to go grab another drink, take a bathroom break or suddenly notice something "extremely interesting" on the other side of the room. There's no reason you should be subjected to that kind of cruel and unusual punishment.

- If they continue, feel free to suck the romance right out of there. Convos about the current economic crisis, global warming or your dog's irregular bowel movements are encouraged.

- Bring along other single friends. There's power in numbers and they'll remind you of your awesomeness once you inevitably start feeling pathetic. They'll also stop you should you consider reaching out to an ex in the hopes of ending your misery. (Tip: Do that after you get home so no one sees you cry.)

- Pick an activity that will keep everyone entertained and will provide lots of "extremely interesting" things to notice. You also want the option of making an early exit if you can't stomach the torture any longer.

- Turn it into a "networking" opportunity. Tap into their friend pool and ask if they could introduce you to anyone. Yes, anyone. Now's not the time to limit yourself with standards.

- Yes, you might feel jealous and bitter. You might think everyone and their mother is paired off but you. That surely there is nobody left in this cold, cruel world to cuddle up with! First off, take a chill pill. And then proceed to get over yourself. No one likes a drama queen.

And to couples I'd say surely you can keep your hands to yourselves for a couple hours...but then I'd be a total hypocrite.

How do you manage with your coupled friends when you're single? And lovebirds, do you keep the canoodling to a minimum when out with your single friends?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Happy Bday, Glamour

Thanks for the super cheap offer!
(One year for $1.50 until March 15th.)

Image: celebglitz.com

Aversion to Allergies

As much as I love the thought of warm, sunny days and pretty flowers in bloom, another thought usually overshadows all of that: my dreaded seasonal allergies. There's nothing worse than feeling yucky and staying indoors on a beautiful day or avoiding a stroll through the park because you're scared you'll wind up sneezing, wheezing and crying from all the pollen. I'm the worst when it comes to taking medicine for anything (though I know I'll need to once spring is in full swing), but it's nice to know there are other pill-free ways to keep the "Achoos!" to a minimum. Do you get allergies too?

Image: denveradvancedhealth.com

Monday, March 9, 2009

Dancing with the Stars

I've never really been into this show, but I thought I'd check out tonight's premiere on ABC. (The last time I semi-saw it, Mario Lopez was dancing his way into Karina Smirnoff's heart only to cha cha all over it later, but now she's recently engaged to fellow pro dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy so take that Slater!) I'm already falling off the wagon with American Idol (sorry!) so maybe this could fill in that reality TV void it will surely leave behind. Though I doubt it.

Lil' Kim- Even though she did dance to "Nasty" in the skimpiest outfit, I don't think I've seen her this classy. Judges say she "has potential." Score: 21

Belinda Carlisle- Totally missed this performance because I was giving Toby a bath. But apparently she could use some improvement. Score: 17

Lawrence Taylor- Aww remember when the other football player was on the show seasons ago? I liked him. Guys have it easier in this competition for sure. Judges say "you need to get a little more on the offense." Score: 16 (I'm seeing a trend here.)

Steve-O- Steve Uh Oh is more like it because that's what I thought when I heard he was going to bust a move here. Another uh oh: Johnny Knoxville and Wee Man in the audience. I almost expect them to bum rush the fool in the middle of his number. Aww look at him try to waltz...I'm sorry, but I can't take him seriously! And of course he had to add his little flair at the end. I give him A for effort though :) Judges say "I admire that you came out fully committed and didn't jacka$$ it up. I expected much, much worse so well done." "I was oddly mesmerized by the beauty and the weirdness." Score: 17

Gilles Marini- He was in Sex and the City? In a shower scene?? Why don't I remember you AT ALL?! Oh wait, never mind, that's because you were in the movie (the single naked man who tempted Samantha while living in the beach house next to hers). Also, Cheryl rocks. Judges say "Clothes off or clothes on, you sure know how to strut your stuff." Score: 24

*WAIT! This thing is two hours?! Why?? Trickery, I tell ya!

Chuck Wicks- Apparently this country singer is dating his pro dancer so will this bring them closer together or tear them apart? Who knows?! Who cares?! Judges say "I thought you were going to strangle her so you have to calm down a bit." Score: 20

*Boo to Jewel and anchor Nancy O'Dell for getting injured. I'm sure we'll see Jewel throughout the season as she'll be cheering her husband Ty Murray on.

Holly Madison- It's one of the Girls Next Door! With less than a week to prepare (she's Jewel's stand-in)...ugh I'm sorry. I can't even finish my thought. This rendition of Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" is awful! Judges say "I think you've got a lot of charisma and you definitely go for those moves." "There is hope my darling. Keep working hard." Score: 18

Ty Murray- "When you're a cowboy and you go on Dancing with the Stars, you hear from a lot of old buddies you hadn't heard from in a while." I bet. Ooh, he's not bad at all. Ok, a little confused, but I might like. Or maybe it's just the song. Nice finish! Jewel watch out. "It looked more like an army drill more than the cha cha cha. There's always next week." "I think you're one cute cowboy. I like that you were able to let go." Score: 14 (Owie.)

Shawn Johnson- At 17, she's their youngest contestant yet and an Olympic gold medalist. I wonder if she's going to pull crazy stunts on the dance floor. If not, I'm not interested. Well she knows a thing or two about grace. And at least she's wearing something semi-decent here. Ooh! Well she's clearly going to show off her flexibility skills and I don't blame her. Work it, girl! Judges say "For a young little one you have the power to move people. Nice footwork." "Surprisingly refined for someone so young." Score: 23 (Wowie.)

Steve Wozniak- Ooh, Apple co-founder! Sweet. "I want to prove that nerds can dance." We'll see. Can I just say Karina's outfit is so fierce (read: revealing) I almost hate her for being able to pull it off. Judges say "The good news is it held my attention throughout...but overall it was a disaster." "It was like watching a Teletubby go mad at a gay pride parade." "You made people want to cheer for you like, 'Yeah! Do it! Get it!' And you made it through the end." Score: 13 (Take a bow, the night is over...)

David Alan Grier- I think he's going to get on her nerves with his constant "comic genius." Or maybe that's just me. Haha, he's "fighting dirty, whatever it takes to win." Bring it. Then maybe I'll keep watching. Dude has the only smile plastered on his face. Nice job though! No hand fumbles or anything. Judges say "I saw five different characters out there. First you're smiling, then you're grumpy, then you're happy. I know you're multi talented, but you have to be careful with the face." "You're so expressive with your face it tends to distract us from your body." "Your bum sticks out a bit." Score: 19

Denise Richards- Oy vey. There's already drama with these two. "Denise needs to stop apologizing. She's already feeling the pressure." "I just feel so stupid sometimes." Wah, wah. Man up and shake it. She can do a split?! Note to self: start stretching so someday you could touch your toes. Judges say "You looked terrified out there. And it's confusing because you have great potential. I'm proud of you." "You've got it all, don't you? But you don't know what to do with it." Score: 18

Melissa Rycroft- The step-in for Nancy. And they only started rehearsing two days ago! Yipers. I didn't see The Bachelor last Monday (or any Monday for that matter), but I know that fool did her sooo wrong. His loss! Aww, "Moonriver." Very graceful considering how little time she had to practice. Judges say "When one door closes another one opens. The Bachelor's loss is Dancing with the Stars' gain." "I don't know about your bachelor guy, but he's a LOSER. It was like watching a beautiful bird about to take off. You're off! You're off!' "You're just a beautiful dancer." Score: 23

Dorkys Ramos- Survives watching this semi-cheesy show. Wonders if she should tune in next week. Judges say "We almost lost you a couple times in the beginning, but you pulled through. You've shown such bravery tonight." "The way you sat on that couch and blogged about the show was so moving, so graceful. You're absolutely timeless." Score: 30

Image: poptower.com

Number 20

Done and done.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Collective Storytelling

I’ve been so busy I haven’t had the time to pick up one of the many unread books on my shelf. So I thought I’d start a short story here and let you continue to weave the tale. Here’s how it’ll work: I’ll start the piece below and you can go ahead and contribute as much or as little and as many times as you wish. I’ll pop in every now and then and end the story Sunday night. Tip: to avoid missing pieces of the story as you think of what to write, type up your bit elsewhere so you can quickly copy and paste it in the comment box.

Make it fun, keep it interesting and we’ll see where it goes…


She didn’t know it yet, but Nora was meant to be there. Every twist and turn her life had taken was for a reason and that reason was staring back at her that very moment. Maybe if she’d known it then, she wouldn’t come to regret her decision 20 years later.

“Ma’am, can I take your order?” he asked once again.

Nora snapped back to reality. She didn’t realize her mind had drifted off yet again, but there was just something familiar about him. But that would be impossible, she thought. Her plane from New York had just landed in California an hour ago. There’s no way she could know him.

And yet, after she walked away with her order, she felt as if something inside her were pulling her back to that McDonald's counter.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Sweet Music

Adele, Roseland Ballroom, NYC, May 5

Mustn't Love Dogs

Time and time again I've heard phrases denoting the value of our wonderful men.

"Los hombres no sirven."
"Men need to sow their wild oats."
"Men are after one thing and one thing only. And it's not your personality."
Or my favorite: the all-encompassing "Men." With that you've said it all: men will be men (never meaning anything good) and all women can do is accept it or run off to the nunnery.

Although I know that this doesn't pertain to all (otherwise Lord help us), I also know that there are lots of no-good dirty fish in the sea. Toxic ones that will give you just enough attention (more like drama and indigestion) to keep you coming back for more. That is until they either get bored or get what they want and swim away to the next untasted bait.

And yet there are women who will stick around. The kind that hopes she's more than enough for him. She tries to tame him by accepting the unacceptable. Or better yet, by getting mad when she finally notices his true colors. The same hues (and clues) that were there from the beginning.

"I can make him change," she tells herself. "I'll be the positive influence he needs to turn his life around."

Girl please.

Here's a newsflash: you can't change anyone who has no interest in changing. Yes, he might fall madly in love with you and realize that he should put his roaming ways behind him. Or he might not. Question is are you going to keep waiting beside him until he decides to do so?

But you can't point fingers if you're in the situation. Not when you can take yourself right out. Men are dogs because women let dogs lie.

So who's worse? Those with the questionable habits or those who accept them?

We don't need to accept anything less than what we deserve. Doing so only reflects on what you think of yourself. Maybe it's time we put our collective foot down and raise the bar.

Image: havehappydogs.com