Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Coping with Couples

Saturday night, Heidi, Anonymous and I had plans to bowl at this new bowling lounge called Lucky Strike. That afternoon when we were figuring out where to meet, I asked Heidi who else was going:

"Oh Anonymous' sis and her fiancé, a cousin and her boyfriend and another girl with hers," she said.

"Wait! So it's couples night?? Great..."

There'd be a lovely single lady for each pair, I thought to myself. Awesome.

Here's the thing: there are some couples you don't mind hanging out with because you don't feel like a fifth wheel around them. Then are those with the pet names and the googly eyes, the lap sitting and PDAs that cause a full-on gag fest. Spare me.

That night the lovebirds stole kisses here and there while the ladies and I discussed important where'd the cute bouncer go. The couples were manageable, but I did have to avert my eyes a couple times.

And although I wonder if I made my friends gag when I had a boyfriend, right now I'm on the other side of the fence. So here's how to cope when hanging out with your coupled friends:

- When they start getting affectionate right in front of you, that's the perfect time to go grab another drink, take a bathroom break or suddenly notice something "extremely interesting" on the other side of the room. There's no reason you should be subjected to that kind of cruel and unusual punishment.

- If they continue, feel free to suck the romance right out of there. Convos about the current economic crisis, global warming or your dog's irregular bowel movements are encouraged.

- Bring along other single friends. There's power in numbers and they'll remind you of your awesomeness once you inevitably start feeling pathetic. They'll also stop you should you consider reaching out to an ex in the hopes of ending your misery. (Tip: Do that after you get home so no one sees you cry.)

- Pick an activity that will keep everyone entertained and will provide lots of "extremely interesting" things to notice. You also want the option of making an early exit if you can't stomach the torture any longer.

- Turn it into a "networking" opportunity. Tap into their friend pool and ask if they could introduce you to anyone. Yes, anyone. Now's not the time to limit yourself with standards.

- Yes, you might feel jealous and bitter. You might think everyone and their mother is paired off but you. That surely there is nobody left in this cold, cruel world to cuddle up with! First off, take a chill pill. And then proceed to get over yourself. No one likes a drama queen.

And to couples I'd say surely you can keep your hands to yourselves for a couple hours...but then I'd be a total hypocrite.

How do you manage with your coupled friends when you're single? And lovebirds, do you keep the canoodling to a minimum when out with your single friends?


  1. We don't canoodle. In public or private. When we're at home, we are spaced out. In public, we bicker and banter like friends. I think our single friends like coming around us....I know a couple of his friends thinks it's actually fun to hang with us. I don't have a lot of single friends that live near, but one girlfriend always asks/invites him along when she visits and we go out for an evening. No kissy crap for us....oh, and we have a Lucky Strike here in our city too. Interesting.

  2. LOL funny article.. talk about your dog's bowel movements... or better yet just show a video OF your dog .. LOL

    I had fun despite the couples and well thankfully 2 out of 3 couples were shit faced
    : )

  3. Wow, we are 3 good looking girls..

    I had a lot of fun, the couples weren't too bad. And I think it's good to remember that you won't always be alone, that your time will come too when you will have someone to be disgusting with.

  4. "Heidi said:
    that your time will come too when you will have someone to be disgusting with."

    You ladies need to be verrrrrrrrrry careful what you wish for. I am WARNING you....

  5. My friends find it acceptable to make out in the backseat of my car as I'm driving. It's so annoying to look up into my review mirror and see that, so as they're doing it, I "accidentally" slam on the breaks. It's breaks up the heat of the moment LOL.

    I also find that it's okay to walk away or have a coughing fit and they have to look up to see if you're okay; if they don't than they're just not good friends haha.

  6. I've pretty much just kissed off all the friends I had when they got married. We just drifted apart and when it became me making ALL the effort to stay in touch, drive over their place every time when we got together, ect... I finally just said "the heck with it."

    I'd rather be alone than put up with couples that "need to get a room".

  7. tooj, not the lovey-dovey type huh? And yup- I was on the site last night and saw your city right on there!

    anonymous, I did try it that night, but it didn't work! And yeah, those four where so gone. That's what gave me a fighting chance in that game.

    heidi, oh yes we are ;)

    And what a sweet sentiment. Here's to growing old and being disgusting with someone!

    tooj, lol! In that case I wish to grow old and be disgusting with a wonderful man. Better? Or are you just saying that because you miss your single days? Because let me tell you the grass definitely seems greener on the other side.

    kelsey, oh I feel for you. I'd probably instate a no kissing rule for passengers. Good trick though...just be careful!

    intense guy, I know the feeling. There are some I still talk to, others have drifted way (because they've moved away) and frankly I'm pretty bad at keeping in touch as is. Plus, it gets tiring being the one who reaches out all the time.

  8. i can so relate to this post. i've only had a boyfriend for about 3 months so i'm quite used to being the "fifth" wheel. i have found that if possible, i try to stay clear of the couples' nights. i just find that i don't have much to contribute to the conversations because i can't relate to most of the things they're talking about.

  9. great post.

    whether i'm single or not, i don't hang out with my coupled up friends who are no fun to hang out with as couples. If one of my girlfriends can't be civil with her boyfriend there, I'll hang out with her without her boyfriend. If she won't unglue from him, we don't hang out. Her loss.

    i get excited when friends 'take the risk' to hang out with me and Jordan. It's always a gamble to put yourself in that position (being the 'third wheel'), but when you're on the coupled end of it, you ought to view it as a compliment and respectfully keep the tone of the occasion three-friends-hanging-out, not one-couple-and-one-person-hating-life.
    you know?

  10. We're the kissy smoochie types but hubby keeps it extremely minimal when we have the single friends around. He knows if he doesnt , he'll catch hell from me later. I dont mind a little PDA...hand holding...a couple smooches...but dang if I feel like I need to pay ya 1-900 prices just to hang out?? Way too much...sorry.

  11. Happy Friday the 13th! Thanks Dorkys for sharing great blog “Coping With Couples’ on the PGS site. Here’s a following from a few of us goofing off:
    "Third String, Fifth Wheel, sometimes ‘Seven. From half past eight ‘til way past Eleven.
    The surrogate dancer, so pals don’t sweat; appending table mate, so seats don’t get (taken).
    Volunteer to do a Bar run, when the Hostess moves slow; Maybe dip outside to see the Moon glow!
    Some tunes get the whole table up- movin! Then it’s all Really Cool to be One of the Groovin.
    On occasion, when you don’t plan to attend, you get the call from your Coupled Friends,
    “Better ‘Get your ‘Butt’ in gear’, we’ll be there in a flash”. You give in, feeling guilty, ‘cause they start talkin’ trash.
    So, We smile, we chat, dance and sway; Remembering we can Crash, til noon the next day:)) Apples

  12. I've felt like the "5th wheel" way too many times. I usually try to make a graceful exit. And my friends wonder why being around a bunch of couples bothers me...Hmmm.

    At this point, I'd just as soon stay at home doing something I'd enjoy more.


Say word.