Monday, April 13, 2009

Seeking Balance

I didn't feel any more centered when I woke up this morning. After a lovely night of tossing and turning I woke up feeling just like my sheets looked: a tangled mess. My curls were all over the place and I thought for sure someone had snuck into my room last night and beat me with a tree.

I guess luckily for me, today was the day I'd check out a tai chi school for a work assignment.

For the first part of the class, three instructors performed their routine for us, this slow fluid string of steps. Each move seemingly effortless and deliberate. And each body tuned in with the one next to his. I've never taken tai chi before nor have I seen it being done. At first I wanted them to crank up the speed, but as they continued their seven-minute dance I actually found some beauty in their movements. Then it was our turn to try.

I'll just say this: it's way harder than it looks, but it forced me to step on the breaks if only for an hour of my day.

So yesterday I saw "slow-moving" as a negative and today it's become something graceful. What on Earth do I want? It's so conflicting sometimes. I know I need to slow down and then when I do, I call it "feeling blue" instead of "a body/mind rest."

Nice quote of the day, by the way. Maybe Tom Edison was on to something when he said, "Discontent is the first necessity of progress." When you're not happy something should change.

Or maybe I should just ride this current funk out and in the meantime take advantage of the fact that it's Spa Week. Because seriously, what can't be resolved with a nice, long, slow massage?



  1. A massage sounds really good right about now...

  2. I try and slow down, and then all I end up feeling is rushed at the end of the day because I failed to do everything that has to get accomplished each day. I agree, there is balance in there SOMEwhere...but for now, I'd settle for the massage.

  3. omg i want a massage! pay for me and ill go!! =) nothing like some quality sister time, right? lol

  4. I do the same thing. I'm feeling tired and run down and there MUST be something wrong with's a "blue" you said. But, maybe it should be "a body/mind rest" you said.

    All I know is I can relate to this. I have no idea of what I want either. It's nice to share in the not-knowing with someone out there. :)

  5. So many people are always rushing here, rushing there, rushing rushing rushing! It's good to take some time to slow down, refresh your mind and spirit, get a massage, do some Yoga or Tai Chi, take a long leisurely walk. Then you will be more prepared to take on the necessary tasks.

  6. Your work sounds like fun - it reminds me of How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days where the writers do fun stuff and write about it, where they get free makeup and clothes!

    I go to the office every day, for 8 hours straight. So boring compare to yours!

  7. ...Someone beat you in your sleep with a tree!! LOL.. thats too funny. You know what they say, if you ever wake up with a braid in your hair.. that means there was a dead person in your room.... so I've heard.

  8. A braid? Jesus anonymous.
    My neck hurts today, it hurts a lot, I need a massage and a vacation.

  9. Today is the kind of day where I just like to sit by the window and watch the soft rain drops trickle through the flowering bushes and make puddles.

  10. ladystyx, a massage sounds really good at any time.

    tooj, I know!! When I'm actually taking some time to myself I can't really enjoy the moment because I keep thinking, "Hmm, I should be doing something productive right now." As if just relaxing and investing in myself is not "productive" enough. Apparently productivity is only applicable when you're doing work for someone else. Balance is tough for my "all or nothing" self.

    dama, nice try.

    heidi, yeah it's always nice to know someone else shares in your confusion and in trying to figure out how to balance it all. Many don't know what they want. Some accept this with open arms and minds while others try to figure out why and how can I get answers NOW? I'm part of the latter group. Why is patience such an elusive virtue?

    chicagolady, seriously. I (along with most New Yorkers) run about as if on a mission even if we don't really have anywhere to go! I really don't know how to walk at a normal pace anymore and if I do, I call it "shuffling. quiet. slow." I've just grown accustomed to speeding through life, the day, everything and only stomp on the breaks when I'm forced to: someone is crawling in front of me and I can't get ahead, I have to wait for something beyond my control or I come down with the flu.

    sugarlens, yeah it's great except that in real life writing a story about a guy you fell in love with doesn't necessarily make him chase after you in a motorcycle! And that's funny, someone else mentioned that same movie when I told her about that story a while ago, too :)

    anonymous, ok that's just creepy. And I had another bad dream last night for like 30 seconds: that my bedroom window by the fire escape was opened just a crack with the shades up. Then I heard someone out there so I went to see who it was, thinking it was someone I knew. Nope, it was a super creepy quiet old chubby man with the scariest face you saw. So I started screaming, while closing and locking the window and dialing 911. And he just stood out there...staring...quietly...

    heidi, hey that's YOUR friend there, not mine. She's only mine when she's sane. And I hope work eases up for you soon...before you explode.

    intense guy, such nice imagery. That's something I could get lost in for hours.

  11. that's the creepiest dream ever... funny that you mention the old guy......

  12. seems like we're all going through stuff glad you worked through yours constructively!!! :)


Say word.