Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I Need a Break From This

I need to pick up these broken pieces and make something new out of them because right now I’m not painting a pretty picture.

I cut the chord again last night and maybe I’ll tie it up again eventually like I’ve done countless times before – or maybe I won’t. I think we keep experiencing the same situation over and over until the lesson is finally learned. It’s like trying to find your way with your eyes wrapped; each time you bump into the same obstacle a layer is removed until you eventually go, “Oh, now I see. I’ve been a total moron.”

Well I see, I think. I see that I want to be done. I see that I’m tired and I’m tiring to others. I see that he has no interest in trying to resuscitate this “friendship.” Maybe he'll get my message when I stop replying to his.

Of course, the powers that be keep trying to mess with my head. It happens each time: after days of turning my stomach into knots thinking about our fading relationship, how we never talk and how I’m forced to bear the weight and hold back in order to spare his feelings, he sends a message. This time the levees just broke, as I could no longer hold in all this anger that has been building up inside me. So I texted him a piece of my mind. He responds with a joke. Done.

Then after a not-so-great night, I received this message from “the Universe” this morning:

It sure is hard to get really angry at someone, Dorkys, when you can think of all the reasons you love them.

And you can -
The Universe

P.S. Oh, go on, Dorkys. You're in their life because they love you.

And so this post has been brought to you by the letters W, T, F and B, R, B because the Internet doesn’t need me spewing any more sadness and anger into it. So I’ll remove myself for a bit and come back when I’m ready.



  1. I love that this done with Sesame Street "brought to us" style. Don't read too much into anything. Life is to be lived, friend....dwelling not so much. It hurts, it will. But in the a brownie, wear your swim suit, meet a new friend, take pups for a walk, see a movie, call up an old girlfriend, read a book, write a story, drink some wine.....SO MUCH to be done. :)

  2. i know it's exhausting. you're tired of the same push and pull, but then again you don't want to let go. but feel free to let go, and do so with no regrets. you have tried, if i know you at all, im sure youve tried as hard as you possibly could to keep the friendship. but maybe its better this way, maybe it wouldnt be healthy to keep the friendship going... its tough to digest that, but i know you, and i can see the progress youve made this past year. i hope you can see it too.

    desafortunademente nosotros no tenemos mucho control de como reaccionamos en diferente situaciones, mami y papi tal vez no entienden pero yo si. tu no eliges sentirte triste y apagada... es como te sientes y no se puede controlar... estoy segura k de la misma forma k has progresado este ultimo ano, vas a seguir progresando y poco a poco te vas a sentir mejor, mas alegre, y mas libre de el peso de todos esos sentimientos negativos.

  3. Lo siento que usted está lastimando. Hay ocho puntos dos millones de (dividido por dos) pescados en el mar cerca de usted. Alguien en millones va a ver que usted es uno en millón.


    p.s., and pardon the bad spanish.

  4. *hugs*

    I will be enthusiastically waiting for your return.

  5. There's only one cure for that and you know what it is. It's your decision to make.

  6. I think Anonymous pretty much nailed it hun. You know what needs to be done. Take care of you.

  7. sometimes you need to be selfish and think about yourself first, now is that time. It's about you not about him it anyone else. Do what will make you fell good and eliminate the people that cause negativity. You have to love yourself more.

  8. I agree with everyone else Dorkys. Do what you need to do to make yourself completely happy, because you deserve that! Even "the Universe" gets confused every now and then.

    Sending cyber hugs your way!

  9. Ditto to "taking care of you." Sending lots of positive thoughts!

    Winks & Smiles,

  10. Hang in there girl! "This too shall pass...Even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday"
    ~India Arie

  11. Absolutely, take care of yourself. You are a good, kind, thoughtful person and you deserve that in return. Don't take any crap from anyone. Thinking of you...

  12. i'm all for a clean break-- can you really be friends or maintain a relationship of any kind with someone who was once so close to you, without wanting to return to that, either entirely, or partially (yet so unhealthily)?

    it takes time, and patience with yourself. let yourself grieve when you need to, and celebrate life when you can (hopefully more than the former).

    it'll happen again, and it will be better, knowing everything you're really risking.

  13. Considering we really don't know each other outside our blogs...I will offer you hugs long distance. It is hard to do the things we "know" we need to do..for ourselves. I suppose it may take you to the moment you realize that you are sick and tired of the situation. Time to make a change. Time to let it tear your heart out...and then time to let it heal. I've been in your sucks. But, I've let go..moved on..and life (for me) is mine today. Wishing you less tears and more smiles

  14. Thanks for all the words of encouragement, Spanish, hugs and well wishes. They mean a lot :)


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