Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wedding Bells Are Making Me Deaf

Apparently marriage is the new black.

I know eight people who are currently engaged - eight! One is in the Caribbean to tie the knot this weekend and another just got her rock three days ago. I'll actually be attending two weddings in the fall and the "save the date" magnets have been staring at me from my fridge since the winter.

Now here’s the thing: I’m happy for these people, I really am – hooray for love and all – but when they tell me about the proposal and nearly blind me with their diamonds I can’t help but feel a wee bit…jealous. And then I feel guilty about that. But I know it’s just my bitter, selfish side wondering, “Why not me?” (I know, I know. “Because it’s not your time yet.” Blah.)

I’ve actually never been to a wedding for any of my friends. Those who’ve tied the knot had a quickie, went away or married while I was off at school. The only wedding I’ve attended was for an aunt who asked me to be a part of the bridal party just days before the ceremony. So there I was in hot DR barely wanting to dress up and go. Now I had to dress up, put on clown makeup and walk down the aisle. (Btw, I’m not kidding about the makeup. Our faces matched her dress.)

Oh here’s the kicker: I was la dama solitaria. The solitary bridesmaid, also known as the loneliest position in the entire party, which goes to a lucky single lady I’m guessing is supposed to follow in the bride’s footsteps. When the DJ introduced me at the reception, I’m pretty sure his words were something like, “And even though she is completely and utterly single with absolutely no prospects in sight, at least she still has the love of her family. May God have mercy on her soul so doesn’t die old and alone surrounded by cats.” Well at least that’s how I remember it anyway.

Anywho, I’m just venting here about the fact that I clearly missed the memo that 2009 was the year of the engagements. Can’t there be some sort of cap on the amount of proposals allowed in one year? And I know these feelings will come up again when the invitations start to roll in and I have to RSVP +0. Flashbacks of high school prom will surely follow.

“You need a gay boyfriend,” my friend said yesterday. Yeah, that would be a nice. A straight one would be even better.



  1. Doesn't it always seem to be the way? When you're in an unhappy marriage or single, everyone and their mothers are getting engaged or married and the last thing you wanna do is spend time at those events. It's as bad as wanting a baby and everyone around you getting pregnant at the drop of a hat (any hat will do....even a damn beanie).

  2. The horrible burning feeling in your stomache and the hurt/rage can be overwhelming and take over one's thoughts.

    The depression monster lies out that way...

    I wish I knew a way to ease the hurting - I've been there - heck I'm still there - alone in misery and existing by denial - but I've no answers for you or LadyStyx.


  3. “And even though she is completely and utterly single with absolutely no prospects in sight, at least she still has the love of her family. May God have mercy on her soul so doesn’t die old and alone surrounded by cats.”

    OMG! That is SO me!!! Well, except for the cats part. I might end up with a bunch of cats soon though, you never know!

  4. Okay, your take on what the dj said about you made me laugh! Not at you, but with you.

    I'm sorry it's like this right now. Does it help to say that I'm married, but really hate going to weddings and,well, hate anything to do with weddings...showers, presents...blah, blah, blah? You are not alone.

  5. i have a feeling marriage isn't the sweet and wonderful 'beginning of my life' it's cracked up to be. i made a decision a few years ago that i'd rather live my whole life single than marry the wrong person. i stand by that.
    don't get me wrong: i think it can be a beautiful, marvelous thing, but definitely should not be a person's goal in life or the destination of just any relationship.

    it just carries so much with it....everything, truly.

  6. Well... let me say that the grass is not always greener on the other side. It's just that we all want to get to the other side.

    And I won't tell you all about...when it is your time...blah blah blah... cuz you have heard it (I'm sure)

    Enjoy YOUR life! Live it to the fullest! It's ok to be jealous... just admitting it takes it off your plate (a bit I imagine).

    My daughter was engaged last year and THANK GOD it ended before disaster truly struck. She put the ring in a box next to her bed and whenever she feels sad...pulls it out to remember everything to be happy about --- especially her choices!

  7. ladystyx, First off, sorry, but that beanie comment made me laugh! And yeah, I agree. It seems like this cruel joke when you have to face someone's celebration over something that's been hurting you. I think I need to go have a little talk with The Universe about that.

    intense guy, thank you for your hugs and sentiments. I hope your hurt goes away soon as well.

    chicagolady, oh that is NOT you! And I can't even get cats. I'm allergic. So I can't even have THEM for company. There's always family I guess. Woop dee doo.

    heidi, haha! Well I'm glad it made you laugh. I remember waiting at the door hearing his announcement and thinking, "Kill me, please" with a "smile" plastered on my face.

    blythe, But then that fear of being alone strikes and some start to make bad decisions just to have someone by their side. I'm ok with being alone. I've been alone more than I've been in a relationship. And I can accept being alone for as long as it takes to find the right person to take a chance on. I just don't want to remain alone forever.

    caren, I think if it were me, looking at that ring would make me sad. Then again depends on her situation. Good for her for thinking about the positives in her decision. And the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Most want what they don't have and once they get it, they want something else.

  8. DR - I can sooooo relate to this post. This was me 10 years ago. You'd be amazed the change that 10 years brings...1 year at a time.

  9. Why is it that weddings all seem to pile up at once? On the upside, they can be a good place to meet nice people...? Your DJ introduction made me giggle too, I've definitely been there before.


  10. The lonely bridesmaid?? Did the DJ really say that??

    Ayyy noo.. WTF?! What if I'M the lonely bridesmaid at the wedding.. ayyyyy now I'm scared.

  11. the me/the wife/the etc, yipers, ten years sounds like an ETERNITY! But if time keeps going at the current rate, I'll go to sleep tonight and wake up 50 years old.

    steph, clearly because someone up there likes to see me tortured. And I feel like most people who go to weddings go with someone else. And if they don't, then you have to be careful because they could turn out to be some distant cousin you've never met.

    anonymous, that's what la dama solitaria means. And the DJ said something along the lines of "she's single for now, but she has her family's love, blah blah blah." And you're not the lonely bridesmaid for the wedding because you're partnered up with a guy! By the way, can you please tell your sis to not sit me at the kid's table? Although...that might be more fun than sitting with old fogies all night.


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