Thursday, June 25, 2009

Being Single in NYC

Every now and then I'll get a comment on here about how "fab" it must be to be a single writer living it up in New York City. "It's so Sex and the City." Yeah, no. Let me break it down for you, fools. First off, I never say "fab," "fabu," or any other derivative of the word "fabulous" (which I also don't use). And second, well, let's just say this calls for a list. So I present to you...

Ten Ways My Life is NOT Like Sex and the City

10. I don't hop around from one chic party to the next. More often than not, you'll find me vegging out at home with my dog.

9. I don't own a single piece of couture or designer shoes. In fact, I only learned that all Louboutins have red soles about a month ago.

8. When I write out my stories, I don't include "I couldn't help but wonder..." in every intro.

7. My curls are slightly darker than Carrie's.

6. I tasted a Cosmo once and frankly? Ew. I think I'll stick with martinis.

5. I've never headed to the Hamptons for a summer weekend getaway.

4. Can someone please name a Latina on that show?

3. It's always Metrocards over yellow cabs for me, thanks.

2. You won't find me striking up a convo in graphic detail about my latest encounter as if I were talking about the weather.

1. I've yet to actually have sex in the city.

So there you have it. I hope I've burst any little bubbles you've dreamt up about my NYC life. If not, here's what others had to say about being single in this "fantabulous" city:

"I think the fact that we do live in the city that never sleeps, filled with an endless amount of social activities, helps put us in situations where we're more likely to encounter many different people. HOWEVER, I think whether or not a match ever happens is highly contingent on us. Personally speaking, I'm this timid little thing who very rarely, if ever, would approach someone of the opposite sex (sober) and start 'spitting game.' First of all, I have no game. Second of all, I'd be too busy wondering if this dude is into me to even formulate a coherent sentence. Either that or I'll play the role of this sassy little thing who's soooo not into you.

Whether you live in the greatest city on earth or in an itty-bitty town, I think how outgoing and confident you are plays the biggest role in whether or not you'll meet someone. If you're outgoing and not afraid to meet new people you're going to meet prospects WHEREVER you go. If you're shy it doesn't matter that you're surrounded by so many people because, if you're anything like me, you're more than likely not going to do anything about it - except hope they approach you." ~Dama


"I think being single in NYC is a lot harder than in other places. Sure there are a lot more people here so one would assume that the chances of meeting someone are greater, but the truth is that people have so many choices that they are scared to settle down. It's like everyone is waiting for the next best thing to come around the corner.

The culture in NYC is very focused on work, so that usually means that everyone works longer hours and that's even encouraged. People here don't have as much time to date as people in other cities. Because seriously, most of us are exhausted by the time we get home at 7 or 7:30 PM. Who has the energy to get all dressed up and go on a date after being out of your house for 11 or 12 hours? I'm not saying it's easy in other places, I just think that the fact there is so much focus on career makes that a priority.

There's also so much to do in this city, people fill the void of not having a boy/girlfriend by going out to a myriad of places: parks, bars, clubs, restaurants. You don't need a significant other in this city to have company; you can walk outside and find a million things to do that fill the void momentarily. I know in other places people who are single are more anxious of finding someone because they feel the need to share their alone moments with someone else." ~Heidi


"Yeah, I found dating to be hard way back when. I usually go out with my guys so if someone were to hit on me he'd stay back because of confusion as to who I'm with in the group. Then there's the creepy guy who wants to buy you a drink when there's nada there for him to pursue since you're not interested in any way. I really am a stickler for not dating where you work, but I'm so glad I ignored it. David and I are past the year-and-a-half mark and I'm so happy with him even if we are in different countries.

I really don't want to go back to the dating pool. Ayer, a guy passed by me and (NO joke) asked, 'Sweetheart, can I break your back?' Of course, I didn't answer and so he called out, 'So I can't get none?!' With idiots like that allowed to walk the streets, it makes it harder to find a quality guy. And to meet a guy in the bar or a club also has that stigma. No matter where the location or situation, you just have to take a chance when it comes to dating. And I don't think it matters if the girl makes the first move. Why wouldn't a guy find that flattering?" ~TJ



  1. You're a MUCH better writer than Carrie ever was, too! And I've never even heard of Louboutins, so you're waaaaayyyyyy ahead of me. But isn't Samantha a Latina? Oh, no, excuse me...she just THINKS she's hot and sassy!

  2. I am wise beyond my years

  3. I think if I were to ever END up in NYC, I'd try to have as much fun as they appear to have in SATC. The whole kid thing slows me up, but as I've gotten to the age where they were when they started that show, it makes the outings they experienced seem FUN. If I didn't have kids and lived where I am now, I know I'd be out at so many events mingling than I ever did in my 20s. Obviously their depiction of the city omits certain "regular folk" factors, but that's what made the show such a great escape. :) Who wants to watch regular stuff when we live it everyday? So when you get asked those questions from fools like us....just remember...we're just excited to know that someone gets to walk the same streets (even if you don't ride in the same cabs) that the "escape dreamgirls" did....and to us, that's enough sometimes. And red soles? Really? How fun.

  4. Hehe, I've always thought that the lives of the ladies on SATC is a bit unreal.

    Laughing @ your #9. I don't understand expensive shoes.

  5. I couldn't help but wonder...if the producers of "Sex and the City" weren't on the Big Apple's tourist promotion board. Is NYC more like "CSI: New York" mixed with a little of "The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"? I've only visited a small portion of the place. :)

    I think some folks must think what they see on TV is all "completely" reality television. Its not.

    I agree with Dama - some deserved self-confidence goes a long, long way.

    I think Heidi is wise...makes a good point - in a small town - you might know everyone there is in the dating pool before you even think about dating. Even in a bigger town, there is likely far less cultural diversity than that found in NYC, and likewise far less socioeconomic differences between you and some stranger you meet at random. I can see being nearly paralyzed over the many options one might have in NYC.

    I think TJ also makes a good point - a guy wouldn't think being approached unflattering :) - Heck, some with really big egos expect it. That dude TJ "bumped into" really needs to work on his first line as bit. I've heard a large number of lines and have tried some of them myself, but none of them that disgustingly rude. There are a lot of "personality defects" a person might have trouble overcoming but total and complete rudeness isn't one of them.

  6. Great post! I love SATC, but there is no way a writer for a small newspaper could have afforded all of those shoes and expensive clothes in reality!

  7. Great post! It makes me feel like less of a sad single. It's easy to forget that real life rarely (if ever) measures up to TV.

  8. AHEM someone in there is NOT single lol...on another note...i feel very fortunate to be able to hang around these women that are so wise and tell it like it is...i agree with every single one of you...hehe i knew by your words which one was which (except TJ)..Heidi we're waiting on that book lol and the one by your dad as well lol...single in the city means diddly squat other than rushing past people to get from point A to point B...have any of you ever noticed that when your in a relationship you actually slow literally you walk slower...i feel the best places to meet people are like in school or some sort of recreational activity, because once your out of school and all you do is work, there is very little chance that you'll actually meet someone new...or even just slow down enough to bump into someone decent...I'm sorry but even if you have the greatest line in the world and are drop dead gorgeous, I'm going to ignore you in the street, 1) who picks up girls in the street...usually weirdos who would come on to the girl walking behind you after you leave 2)i don't have time to stop...usually i have my shades and ipod on thinking whats the best way to get to point B 3)you're a STRANGER i don't know about you guys but i have "don't speak to strangers" embedded in me from when i was a child...and something about the streets scream STRANGER DANGER...approach me somewhere else and you have a greater chance.....ok now every guy that reads this blog is running the other way....I'm not as mean as i seem :-/ lol... I'm just not a "pssstt, oye mami" kind of gal

  9. You see Dorkys, Intense Guy agrees about my wisdom :)

    And Dariany you'll be the first one with a book :) hee hee.

  10. veggie mom, well I'm not ahead by much: I also thought Louis Vuitton and Louboutins were one and the same. And Samantha is just beyond anyone I know.

    court, why thank you!

    heidi, need help patting yourself on the back? Not sure if you could reach all of it there.

    tooj, I can totally see you wildin out over here. I kinda understand where you're coming from with the whole "partying more now that I'm slightly older" angle. I guess the older we get, the less we care about what others think, which means more fun! I know I have more fun now when I go out than when I did when I first started. I was always too busy worrying about looking cool/stupid. I still could learn to care less, BUT there was has been slight progress there.

    And yes, firey red soles. All of them. Go look, dream and salivate.

    sugarlens, never have, probably never will. That and purses.

    intense guy, oh they have a way of making the city so glamorous. Either that or a straight-up rough and tumble town where the gunshots are flying constantly. I like to hear what out-of-towners who've never been here think of NYC.

    And yeah, having too many options is frightening. It's like when I walk into a clothing store and see racks upon racks of stuff and I start feeling faint. Not because of the excitement of having arrived in "Heaven," but because the thought of finding something that suits me in that sea off Just Not Right is daunting and nauseating.

    Sorry. Can you tell I hate clothes shopping? And can you tell I enjoy the thought of dating just as much?

    joy, you know?!? Or that nice apartment on the Upper East Side. I don't care how rent-controlled it was.

    katie, I'm sure you're very much NOT a sad single. If you feel that way, just think of all the hitched women who wish they were in your shoes. The grass is always greener...

    dariany, actually TWO aren't, but that doesn't mean they don't have stories to share. And I so agree with you on the rushing front becaue I'm the same way. I don't actually stop to pay attention to anybody! Ya yo vi que voy a terminar sola, getting to Point B sin nadie! Lol, dique stranger danger...

    heidi, then get on that book, "oh wise one!" I could be your editor you know...

  11. I understand your point of view, however, I much rather be single in NYC than anywhere else. Also, it seems that you and your girlfriends are the less famous, more practical, Dominican-American SATC chicks, all in your own way. As we all are... So SATC is not so far fetched. You might not be a label whore but I am sure you have your outfits and accessories that make you feel sexier than usual, ya know.

    Singlehood can be extremely rewarding. I am very excited to get to know myself and experience a different NYC. Especially since I have finally rid myself of a horrible 7 year relationship. I am now 29. I know that our culture does not allow women to be single and proud in the their late 20s, 30s, or ever. Nevertheless, perception is everything!

    I am convinced that some of the best experiences of my life are yet to come...Without him. : ).

    Lets cheer up Chicas! Change your mind, change your life!

  12. I knew it! I knew those girls were living beyond their means!

  13. Good Post! Love the list.

    I couldn't agree with Heidi more on this. I was living in NYC for 5 years before relocating to Brazil { my current location} and NYC for me was the same. I found it harder dating there than any other place. NYC was my "boyfriend" ... soo many things to do and see. And yes, the big focus there is CAREER!

    I miss NYC, the hustle and bustle. But I also enjoying my little small village life now. I enjoy sitting down and having coffee with a friend and chatting about the week. Where as in NYC, it was sitting on my couch, eating dinner whilst chatting up my friend on the phone about the week.

    Congrats on your SITS Day!

    Thanks for giving me a piece of the city I love and
    miss oh so much. Love your blog, and I will be returning.

    Tanya @

  14. All of that makes sense. I never was a SITC fan, but it is TV after all.


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