Thursday, December 3, 2009

How Much Experience Should Your Sex Partner Have?

You know how sometimes a question just pops into your head out of nowhere and instead of wondering where the hell it came from, you actually stop and ponder over it?

Yeah? Good, then bear with me on this one:

Would you rather date someone relatively inexperienced in bed or someone who's been around the block and back and can blow your mind between the sheets?

So last night I'm laying there in bed thinking, "Wow, good question, Dorkys. Which would you prefer? And what on Earth have you been reading these days?"

Who knows, but I think there are good and bad qualities to both sides so let's take a look:

Mr. Ain't Got a Clue

Yays: If he's straight up about his lack of sexpertise (womp, womp!), this could actually be endearing. He could be willing to try his best to please you and if you're in the same boat, how cute would it be to learn how to master those moves together minus the pressure and pretense? He probably hasn't had many partners (or partners willing to teach him), so if you have the patience to give this a chance, it could pay off down the line.

Nays: Is there anything worse than a cocky guy who doesn't know how to use the damn thing? Not to mention frustrating. Foresee a stream of bad, awkward sex before it gets any better. And if you're too hung up on protecting his ego (or he simply refuses to listen), there's also going to be a whole lot of counting the cracks on the ceiling and praying it's over soon. Fun times. (No, not really.)

The Man Whore

Yays: He knows exactly what to do. There's no need to guide his hand or present him with a diagram with arrows, x's and "Oh!"s. The sex will always be good - really, really good - and he's having it with you.

Nays: Consider how he came to learn all he knows and ask yourself how much this matters to you. If you can't get past his number, it could become an issue. Also, if he's much more experienced than you are, you might feel a bit insecure. But hey, you'll definitely pick up a thing or two from him. Let's just hope it's not Chlamydia.



  1. Oh my.


    I think I'd go with choice "about the same amount of experience as me".

    And WHAT have you been reading these days?? LOL!

  2. Nothing "bad" honest! Trust me, there is no action going on in The Road. Though I did flip through Cosmo earlier this week...

  3. Gotta go with the experienced guy. I have no patience when it come to lack of bedroom skills. Either get me off or get out of my bed. haha

    You commented on the 20SB NYC meetup forum and I wanted to send you the info in case you are still interested in coming:

    Friday Dec. 4th 10pm
    Fat Cat NYC (
    75 Christopher St (at 7th ave)

    It's not an "official" meet up so there won't be a sign or anything like that, just keep an eye out for people who may look familiar from 20SB!

    Spread the info to any other fellow NYC 20SBers you may know =)

    ps, could you either comment back or message me on 20SB if you think you'll make it?

  4. Well, I've been married for 7 years, but I gotta say, I went with the experienced guy. His number is something I STILL don't like to think about!

    I was never outspoken enough to teach the inexperienced.

  5. Either long as the guy is a good guy. I do lean a little more towards 'some experience'. I just appreciate a man that knows what to do.

  6. Yikes. If not married, I would go for the inexperience over sreiously disgusting STDs in a heartbeat.

  7. I'm hoping for inexperienced but wants to learn guy...because i'm an inexperience and wants to learn kind of girl. good thoughts

  8. I've been with my husband for 15 years and I am sure we both thought we were super experienced, but in hindsight we still had a lot to learn. My perspective is skewed because we've learned all our good moves together :) I'd have a hard time navigating the single scene these days. Yikes!!

  9. Hmmm. That's a tough one.

    My fiance has definitely been around the block, but that was ages ago. And he's actually my first true love in all senses of the word I guess.

    So he had to teach me a bit, but he tells me that the skill came quite quickly & naturally. Ha.

    I definitely give props to years of reading Cosmo for that.

  10. Hmm...this is a toughie. I guess I will have to take the easy way out and say I prefer middle of the road.

  11. Well, I wouldn't want to go for Mr Expert, because I wouldn't like to think of what he's done with who. But, at the same time, I've had experience with guys with no experience, and... Well, let's just say the guys who think they know it all, but know nothing don't make enjoyable partners. I ended up marrying a middle of the road guy... Some experience, and willingness to learn, but not so much experience that who he was with before worries me. And no sign of the "I know what I'm doing, you don't need to tell me," type of attitude either. ?Basically, I prefer middle of the road, but if I really "had to" choose one or the other, then I would have to go with the guy with no experience, because I'd rather be counting the cracks in the ceiling if he's not willing to learn, than be worrying the whole time we're at it who he was with and what they might have given him while he was learning to do what he's doing.

    P.S. This is a conversation I never thought I'd be having over the blogs. LOL!

  12. Hahaha, I love that last line. I think it's great to have someone in the middle. I always thought I wouldn't mind sleeping with someone unexperienced...boy was I wrong. Ever see that episode of Sex and the City, "The Jackhammer"? Where Carrie gets a kink in her neck? That was me! OUCH!

  13. Well let's see.... I am married and my husband and I have learned together. So, I guess that makes me preferring the inexperienced guy who is willing to learn.

  14. I like guyz wiff experience so they can rock mah sockz off...but then again, I get so scared that they have some sort of disease...even if they are nested negative for everyting, I still am convinced that they are are dirrty!

    But that's more a reflection on mah insecuritiez as opposed to them! Mah head is a mess! WEEEEEE!

  15. Definitely experienced. Inexperienced guys seem to be all the more protective of their own egos and don't learn.

    Found your blog through 20sb, I really like it!

  16. Based on my humble life experience I think it depends on your intentions. If said man is a candidate for husband, I would say inexperienced is the better option. If your looking to fill the fun bucket, go for man whore.

  17. Love that you guys are all over the place! And you all make good points on why you prefer your side. Obviously, middle of the road would be nice, but if it had to be one...I STILL don't know which I'd choose.

    (Note: This applies if the Man Whore is reformed, of course.)

  18. I love it when guys are inexperienced. They try harder. And it's all about the chemistry. If you're really into each other, you can talk about what each other likes and work on it. Practice makes perfect!

  19. Dear Author !
    This idea has become outdated


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