Friday, February 5, 2010

Learning from Past "Mistakes"

"I just thought that with your last failure, you'd think twice about jumping so quickly into this."

You know how sometimes you respond diplomatically and quickly brush aside an insensitive comment only to come back to it hours later and think, "Ew! What the hell was that about!?" Well that's how I felt on Wednesday after my mom threw this little dagger at me over the phone. Sometimes she can be a bit tactless and I often forget that her own experiences taint the advice she gives. For nine years she's blanketed herself with the divorce, refusing to let go of bitter feelings and move on. I forget that her world is darkened with pain and fear and no matter how much time passes, she will always have a hard time opening her heart. There's also the possibility that she wants to protect her daughter from hurting again.

But my response to her then still holds true two days later: There are some people you feel comfortable with sooner than with others. I'm not going to think about what happened or what might happen in the future. That's what went wrong the last time. I can only go by how I feel...and right now I'm just happy.

All that time I took for myself would have been for naught if I behaved the same way I did two years ago. The break-up in and of itself would've been pointless if I hadn't done what it was intended to do: force me to change, trust, smile, accept love, give it in return and perhaps find happiness with someone else. So if that "failed" experience is what's pushing me to become a little more fearless now, was it really such a failure? I don't think so.



  1. It sounds like you are doing really well! I'm glad you're happy, even if your mom doesn't get it.

  2. Damn, I wish I could do that extra-loud index finger and thumb whistle thing, because I'd be doing that right now! I feel great about the fact that you GET IT! You GET that your mom's experiences have nothing to do with your decisions, and you GET why she'd respond in such a way. As a daughter and a mother, I'm so aware (and cautious) of advice that I get from my mom, and give to my daughter. Hopefully in time, your mom will put her own sadness aside long enough to be of support to and not in judgment of you. Oftentimes, moms love so hard that there comments just have to be viewed as well-meaning whatevers, and then we can just keep it movin', lest we decide never to pick up the phone when next they call.


  3. Good for you! Sounds like you are doing wonderfully. And you are so right, if you spend all of your time in either your past or your future you will never be happy and will just mess things up.

  4. I agree with Execumama. You really do get it.

    It is a shame that your mom doesn't get it and is wasting so much of her life on bitterness.

  5. Dorkys? I am extremely PROUD of you. :)

  6. I've never seen relationships that have come and gone as failures. They just aren't. Life is about experiencing....some might be positive and some might be negative. So long as you keep perspective and realize that no matter how you view it or how long you dwell or don't dwell on those experiences, and that you're still going to die in the end should be a breeze. :)

  7. Good way to look at it. Or, I think so


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