Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Distance in Relationships

Three years ago, "I want to see you" was usually followed by plans for weeks into the future and a two-and-a-half hour long drive. It involved interstate highways, tolls and Friday night departures to make the most of our weekend together. Long distance meant too few days physically together, but it didn't matter because we loved each other and even if we couldn't always say it in person, that alone would be strong enough to cut through the miles.

"But doesn't that time apart make it so much better when you're finally together again?" my friends would ask.
"Yeah, that gets old and quick," I'd quip.

Imagine getting into an argument and all you receive once everything's been settled is a :). No kiss, no hug, no makeup sex. Still, you stick it out, hug that bear he gave you, you miss him and count down the days until you meet him at the train station again. And you do this over and over...until it's over.

Nowadays, "I want to see you" is followed by plans for the evening and a 40-minute train ride. It involves subway delays, Metrocards and walks through the Upper East Side. Living close to each other allows for spontaneity and "I'll see you tomorrow" while secretly wondering why he hasn't tired of you yet. Goodbyes are no longer accompanied by tears because, hey, you'll see him again in a few days.

Even though my relationship with A. is progressing much quicker because we spend so much time together, I can't say I cared for Mr. First any less because he lived three states away. It might have been tough at times, but when we were finally together, it was as if we'd never been apart at all. And even though I see A. all the time, sometimes it still feels like we haven't seen each other in weeks.



  1. I've only had two "serious" relationships and neither of those guys lived within 50 miles from me. Someday, maybe, I'll get to date someone in the same city. Or, heck, even the same COUNTY.

  2. I totally get this ;) Enjoy it! Isn't love fun so wonderful?

  3. I totally get this, having spent the first year of my relationship with my now hubby the opposite side of the world to him most of the time. Then spent four months in the same situation about 8 months after we married.

  4. :) Closer is better...

    I think the last serious relationship I had (its been so long ago I barely remember exactly when it was) we were 1,150 miles apart. It was just impossible and it didn't work out.

    115 miles might of worked and 11.5 miles would have been really nice.

    I hope you do the 40 minute trip soon and thoroughly enjoy yourself!

  5. That is such a great feeling! I hope you guys feel that way forever! It is so nice to be missed only two minutes after you have left one another. HE IS SO INTO YOU (and vice-versa):-)

  6. I'm doing the long distance right now with my husband. And we did the long distance while we're dating too, so I know what's it like to being close and far away. In the end, living close to each other is better, but I also know that distance makes the heart grow fonder:)

    Cute post!

  7. LOng distance is always touch. I'm glad things are going so well for you right now :)

    SE x

  8. I dated a man who lived 20 minutes from me and the last time he visited my home was Christmas...that's why we are no longer together. Long distance or no distance,,if the relationship is great, great things will follow.

  9. I don't think i would be able to do the distance thing myself. I am glad things are going well for you!

    (found you from SITS - have a great day)

  10. I had a relationship with a guy that lived about 5 hours away and it was hard but so wonderful whenever we were together.

    Then when I met my husband, we lived in apartments across the parking lot from each other, so we saw each other all of the time! Definitely helped speed up the relationship as we ate together, walked to class together (we were in college) and just saw each other all of the time.

  11. My husband and I tele-dated for a year and a half. He lived in Istanbul - me in NJ. Somehow the distance really worked for us (we'll be married 7 yrs). Whenever life gets in the way we'll take a step back and realize what we went thru to be together and it puts things back in perspective. If its meant to be it will be!

    I found your blog thru SITS and looking forward to reading past posts.

  12. Distance is really hard. My boyfriend is in NJ, I'm in CA, so we don't get to see each other often. But we're in love, and we both think this is it, so we're doing everything we can to make it special, even if we're far apart. Closer is definitely better though.

  13. My fiance and I have been together for 4 1/2 years and the last 3 years we've spent 3 hours apart from one another! I am getting ready to graduate from college so I am totally ready to get back in the mode of seeing him much more often!

  14. Dry as toast? Say this blog on 20 something bloggers. Right now I'm living in Amsterdam and it's hard to seriously date when I'm only going to be here temporarily. No one really wants to put time and energy into a relationship with someone they won't be able to see. "Love" seems to be more about convenience and I'm learning quickly that life isn't a Nicolas Sparks novel.


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