Thursday, April 8, 2010

Toughing It Out

So I'm having one of those moments where one side of my brain rags on me for not being accomplished enough while the other shuts it up by presenting all that I've done. It's been tiring to say the least (not to mention neurotic).

Can you believe it's been nearly five months since I was laid off and decided to freelance? I'm surviving, I'm doing fine, but it's been such a struggle to do better. My motivation ebbs and flows leaving me with bursts of inspiration one week and completely dry the next. I've been wondering if I've been fooling myself, if perhaps I can't make this work for much longer.

Luckily, this week the tide has come in and I'm doing my best to ride it for as long as my spirit will let me, jumping on ideas as they appear, casting net after net to see what might catch. Today brought in three new stories to add to a calendar full of upcoming press trips.

"It's not enough," one side says.
"You've done well," says the other. "Be proud and keep going."

This girl has dreams to bust through doors and let the world knows she exists. Little by little those dreams will come true because she will make it so.

"She hopes."



  1. You're doing great dorkys.. I'm very proud of you : )
    If I were laid off, I would be homeless, so kudos to you for not being homeless and working on projects that allow you to travel for free!! What the hell could be better than that?! Nothing, therefore good job, good job - G double O, D, J O B clap clap

    : )

  2. Such a cute picture :)

    I know how you feel. I go through those waves all the time, thinking "I wanted to have so much more to show for my life at 30" but then I remember the good things I DO have, and the time I still have for the rest of it, and I feel better.

    Freelance is risky, and you seem to be doing good!

  3. anonymous, Thanks so much for this, girl. Que se yo, sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough. Eh, just have to remember I'm doing it because I love it. Dique...

    And yes, kudos to having a roof over my head and food to eat.

    Gracias for the little song and dance, too :)

    laurnie, "freelance is risky" hell yes! I laugh now because I'm the worst risk-taker ever. I like banking on the sure thing and with this choice, I just hope I have a check coming in when I need it. Lord knows how I've managed so far. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop!

  4. Someday, when the world recognizes the quality of your "stuff", will you still be questioning your own ability? Will you need to be on Oprah or BE the next Oprah before that brilliant smile of yours is a content one?

    You are doing well, quite well, in these horrible economic times.

  5. You are doing great and all you can do it keep up what you are doing!!

  6. All you can do is your best and it seems like that's exactly what your doing. I find that little voice inside that says "you're not enough" needs a good ass whooping every now and again.

  7. "This girl has dreams to bust through doors and let the world knows she exists. Little by little those dreams will come true because she will make it so."

    Damn soul sista, you hit the nail on the head with that right there. I had a day like this on Monday when I got flustered @ werk and I had to listen to Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" on repeat for an hour to get mah shit together and realize I don't suck completely.

    I don't really know you, but I am still incredibly impressed that you are freelancing and surviving in Nueva Nueva. It's a testament to your writing and your work ethic.

  8. That picture is so adorable! :)

  9. Hi. Visiting from SITS.

    Sounds to me like you're doing quite well. Freelancing is quite brave and good for you for going for it! Keep believing in yourself and anything is possible.

  10. I think you have had such a positive attitude through this whole time of being laid off and making it work. That says so much about you!

    Of course you will make your dreams happen! You have too much talent not to. This time will just make you appreciate it a little bit more when they all come true!

  11. Dorky's...I've been reading your blog for a while and know that your dreams will come true. You get yourself in the glass half empty...and then lo and behold... it is brimming with all the goodness you never knew you wanted. Hang in...keep putting one foot in front of the other. Then one day, I'll be reading some great piece of literature and think...ah... I knew her when!

    Have a super weekend! It's baseball season (albeit cold)!!

  12. You know what they say... You're your own worst critic!

  13. You're so brave and amazing!!! Give the troublesome voice a time out already!


  14. Dorkys you are doing fine!
    freelance is THE toughest thing in the world, always scrounging for the next gig before this one is even over!
    More than half of my immediate family have lost their jobs in the past 2 years so I am very familiar with how hard it is to drum up any kind of work in this economy, let alone the creative stuff. Your strength and your talent will carry you through, but hell yes, its normal to have doubts!

  15. I'm pretty sure that everyone goes through this. Especially women because we have so many parts of our lives that pull at us. I know I do. Am I the best mother? What about me? Do I "deserve" this? I think by our nature that we are neurotic.

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest.

  16. you're doing great, Dorkys! i couldn't even imagine myself without a job, let alone be a freelancer, since I'm the worst procrastinator ever. so all props to you for getting it done AND still living a full life.

  17. If I've learned only one thing being in the workforce, is that it is full of ebbs and flows. I'm in a major ebb right now....I'm waiting to get picked back up into the flow again.

    You are doing great. Keep at it woman.


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