Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sometimes It Just Seems Impossible

Me: Don't say it's gross.
Him: Then don't hurt yourself.
Me: But I can't stop, A.
Him: Yes, you can.
Me: No, I can't.
Him: Yes, you can. You have to.

That night he left me in a dream because I still hadn't controlled it. And I'm scared that one day it'll come true because right now keeping these nails so super short is doing little to keep my determined hands from doing what they wish.


  1. Instead of scratching, you should just pick up the phone. :)

    And I know why I missed the Swan said spoilers and so I avoided it. I hate spoilers, but had I known the other content....

    Woman, seriously. I want to hug you, text you, call you, email you...most of all I want to express one thing:

    Life is NOT so complicated. It's all about space management of the mind. What doesn't fit currently gets shoved out.

  2. Nah, he wouldn't leave you for something like that. Get frustrated, perhaps, but not leave you. And, besides... Is nail biting really that bad? *Chews on own nails* ;)

  3. Tooje, I think I purposely buried it in that ramble of words because it was hard to admit something that ugly/embarrassing. I wasn't ready to just spit it out and have it stand there on its own. I'm still ashamed of it even though I flip back and forth between "It's not a big deal" and "I feel so disgusting." If I called you every time I did it, well...we'd never hang up after the first call.

    I really appreciate the support, Toojie. Thanks for always offering it to me. As for your comment in the other post, does he scratch himself or only others? It could very well be frustration. Not knowing how to deal with inner feelings and anxiety so you just want to hurt (yourself or others I guess). Or maybe we're just making it a bigger deal than it is? Kids like to scratch no? But I can see how it can escalate if you just sit on it. Perhaps it's better to be too attentive about a child's behavior than not worried enough.

    I totally agree with addressing the issues that cause it instead of simply reprimanding him for acting that way. I remember when I'd have my panic attacks, hearing people tell me to just relax was NOT helping whatsoever. It'd only freak me out more simply because I couldn't make myself do the most basic human act: breathe. It wasn't until I changed my lifestyle and took myself out of a stressful environment that they stopped. It really is all in the mind. I'm just at a loss as to how to stop this particular reaction.

    toriz, aww thanks for the kind words, but this is a tad bit more serious than chewing on nails.

  4. Well, I can see not wanting to be scratched (badly) by your lover...

    ...but seriously, scratching yourself into a blood mess isn't a good thing. I hope there is a way to stop it.

  5. Me too, but it's going to take a lot more than hope. Stress definitely makes the situation worse, but sometimes I just do it for no reason too :/


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