Friday, August 12, 2011

When Girls Get Together

Ladies, tell me if this ever happens to you: you meet up with the girls, chat about work, health, love life, family, everything and then on your way home you wonder why on earth did you give out so much intimate information. As if being exposed to so much estrogen triggers an uncontrollable case of verbal diarrhea.

See, things happen when girls get together. We want to confide in each other, we want to share and analyze details together and sometimes we just want to know that we're not the only ones going through our issues. We use these ya-ya moments to strengthen our bonds, but once tongues start flapping, it can easily devolve into a bare-all session that leaves you feeling worse than how you came in.

Why? Perhaps it's because:

1. You shared personal details when you weren't in the right state of mind. How many times have you complained about things or people only to regret it once you're feeling better or made up with whoever made you mad? Now you're worried that your friend(s) will hold it against that person when they couldn't possibly know the entire story.

2. Everyone has an opinion and her advice has either caused you more inner turmoil, embarrassment, revealed an unpleasant characteristic about your friend or made you wish you'd never mentioned anything at all.

3. In the hopes of cementing a deeper relationship with someone, you rushed in letting her into your personal life only to realize that the familiarity simply isn't there yet.

Truth is, not everyone is or should be privy to every corner of your life. The times when I've walked away from a meeting knowing full well that I should not have shared as much as I did, I end up feeling unsettled rather than satisfied at having added another layer to the relationship. It's perfectly okay to keep some stories carefully tucked away.

That said, there have been moments where I've shared deeply personal things and left feeling lighter, closer. Like last night when I met a high school best friend for a dinner that turned into a wonderful 3-hour-long catch-up. For me, it's a gut inkling in determining when the moment and person are right for it and with time, I've gotten a bit better at not only recognizing the different shades of friendships but also stopping conversations that lead to places where it need not be going. Not only for my own sake, but for theirs as well if I don't think our bond warrants it just yet.

Do you ever feel this way, too?


  1. Yes! All the time. And when I share details regarding my relationship I feel like I've betrayed my bf, because it's his information as well, so I'm wondering "should I run this by him before I share? Will he be embarrassed, upset, or not care?" Then if I share about relationship fights, disagreements, arguments, I think damn they're gonna think this is one fucked up relationship, lemme stick to happy stories, Lmao. In conclusion, I concur with this post.

  2. I know, I feel bad about revealing stuff too. But it's as if we just can't help it! I think some us just like sharing the issues more than hearing that "everything's perfect." Thing is, sometimes I want to just vent and get things out, but not necessarily hear the other person's advice. It doesn't always help, they're usually biased because they're your friend and "all men are dogs" or their comments are tainted by their own experiences.

    And I can't lie. It's hard to be expected to be buddy buddy when a guy is around when I know all the sordid details about his douchebaginess. I can understand that every couple has issues and they work it out and it doesn't mean that anyone is a bad person or anything, but when the issues are Big, Constant and Unhealthy, I just can't pretend that everything is cool. That's when I just wish I didn't know anything at all.

  3. From the title, I was expecting something sexier.

  4. I've had plenty of "maybe I shouldn't have said that?" moments. But girls getting together wasn't the trigger since I don't do groups of people, and most of my friends are online anyway, so "getting together" doesn't work.

  5. I am totally with you on #1! It's nice to get things off the chest, but sometimes I regret saying things after they have smoothed out.

  6. There have been times when I've beaten myself up for saying too much, and times when I've had similar pangs from not saying enough.

    But I love girl talk. It keeps me sane. For the most part.


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